I want to try something, but I’m kinda afraid
Just to explain the premise of my trauma, I had an extremely close friend murder his girlfriend. He had his fair share of troubles growing up, and I tried to help him through it as well as I could. I have another post here specifically about it somewhere, but that isn’t really the point of this post.
I was in the process of adding a class to my schedule at the registrar of my college today, and on my way out I saw a flyer for a “youth and family support assistant position”. My gut says this is a big brother type job, and I think it would be a way for me to both help people that really need it and get some work to put on a resume before I go into student teaching. I really feel like I could help people that need it.
On the other hand, I’m a bit afraid of applying. I failed with him. I know what it means for someone to have a nonexistent or toxic support system. I’ve looked back on our friendship countless times and wished I had never known him. So, what would it mean for me if I were to put myself out to try and help people again, and fail again? Could I even recover? Do I even have the right to try and help people when my last real attempt ended in such a catastrophic failure? Maybe I’m being too arrogant, acting like some sort of fallen messiah, but I can’t decide if I should even apply for this position.
I don’t even know if there’s any point to posting this here, but I’d appreciate some words of encouragement, or criticism if that’s a better fit for me.