I need some help, tell me what you think about this
Yesterday I went to my friend's house and stayed for hours there, my father texted me asking when am I coming home and I told them we're still eating dinner so he let me stay for like 30 minutes more. He sent my brother to pick me up and didn't tell me that he's coming so I can get my stuff ready before leaving, my father was angry because of some stuff happening with his brothers, and i took too much time to leave my friend's house so he texted me and called my phone many times, threatening me and cursing me and telling me he'll beat me up when I arrive home.
When I arrived home he started yelling and cursing me telling me I wasn't raised well and I will never get to visit my friend again, he actually said everything mean to let his rage out on me (he has IBS) then told me to *** off (my mom was there and didn't say anything...as usual).
I went to my room, closed the door and broke down, I cried too much that my head started hurting because this scene reminded me of the past, when he used to scream at me and slap me because I did a mistake. I cried for more than two hours and hardly slept. The next day (today) we sat to eat, I was silent the whole time and thankfully my father was out with his friends. My mom mentioned that my dad was in a bad mood because of me and I broke down again, it front of my mother and my two brothers. I told her that his bad mood is my fault now? He was angry and took out his anger on me like everytime. Because I'm a damn dead doll, I'm emotionless (as they call me). My mom got defensive and said that it's my mistake I took too much time and he hates when people keep him waiting even though my brother was waiting not him! I told her why would he yell at me and she replied yes he would Because I'm mistaken. She told me I should be thankful he didn't hit me and I told her he did many times before. She raised her eyebrow and asked "when?" I told her in the old house (before 3 years). She said that they were beaten up almost everyday when they were "in our age" and we're spoiled. I had too much to say but couldn't because it's useless.
Eventually she felt sorry for me, she kissed my cheeks and tried to make me understand that dad doesn't control his anger (I can't accept that because I'm hurting alot because of him) and I should know how to deal with that because I'm his daughter. I forced myself to stop crying and here I'm crying again while typing this. I need help but I gave up on everything I'm in so much pain I only cry this much when dad does something reminds me of the abuse in the old house.
I can't stop crying i think im overreacting. Please If you have a way to tell them that I desperately need to see a therapist tell me, it's hard to Convince them when they think im too emotional. I'm so lost I feel like a 10 years old kid again. i hate myself and everything else. My mom is trying to make me feel better. Im awful
@Itswhatits
Your not imagining it. You are in an abusive household. The fact that your mother thinks that kids have it too good because they don't get beaten anymore is a tell tail sign that your mother is severely damaged. As for your father threatening to beat you up, he needs to get some help even if he needs to be arrested to get it. Personally I would get out at the first opportunity.
@Gettingbettertoday
I know...I just can't understand why I have to stay silent and patient because another person can't manage their anger...I thought about it and the closest opportunity is when I go to college so I'll do anything to wait until then. Thank you for your respond
@Itswhatits
This outburst of anger at you has it happened to your siblings or mom in past?
perhaps they just decided to avoid or do whatever your dad wants to avoid being a target.... this is not supportive in any way... instead getting help or having your dad face the consequences of his issue is the best case for whole family. abuse either physical or verbal and living in fear of when he will lose his control of built up anger will only end badly. Your dad needs therapy.
People with anger issues love to blame others for their inability to deal with their emotions. I think talking to someone if you can is good but they can only help you avoid being a target and it does nothing to change your family dynamic....
Just getting away at college or moving out when you can will not change them.... sooner or later you will end up going no contact or avoid or play games to placate them when you see them later....
@toughTiger6481
Unfortunately, yes, multiple times. One time, he threw the ps4 on the wall, which damaged the wall and ruined the advice... he fixed it after a week tho. He gets angry at mom rarely because she knows how to deal with him, he never crossed boundaries with her in general.
Yeah exactly, I'm never convinced of the idea of acting in a certain way just to avoid him getting mad. The whole thing caused me issues I don't control how I act around my family anymore. My dad has gone to therapy in past but I don't think it worked out, he takes anit-anxiety pills but when he's really angry or stressed nothing will calm him down
I know you're right, but my parents are really weird, they treat you sh*tty one day then the other day they're nice. I almost dont have feelings for them anymore. It's an endless cycle, but having time away will really help even if it doesn't change them. they never see themselves wrong, and I'm the one who's hurting so it's for my sake.
Thanks for responding btw sorry for oversharing I feel safe here
@Itswhatits
You did not overshare just getting it out helps a lot. the issue with people that are family... act nice sometimes and thinks it makes up for the anger and bad times.... it doesn't only makes us feel torn and confused to who they really are.
@toughTiger6481
Yeah exactly
@Itswhatits 😞😞 it's shoudnt have to be this way😢 so many people suffer at the hands of others. It can be a cruel world. Hugs you tightly ❤ keeps you in my prayers ❤
@Tinywhisper11
Aww this is so sweet of you, thank you! *hugs back* 💗💖
