IDK What I Should Do
I'm sort of new to this app, haven't really posted here. I'm sorry if I'm doing it wrong. I liked the idea of anonymity.
 I don't know how to start this so I'll start by asking for advice, what would you do if you were in my position?
The SA started when I was young, at my parents house by a friend of the family and continued on in the church we attended, he was also a member. It went on for 13 years. A lot of manipulation, gaslighting--like the movie, like he meant to drive me insane. Grooming, secret relationship, physical abuse.
I haven't had therapy for it, I guess I'm too afraid, even as am adult, that I'll be in trouble for it in some way. Which is insane.
I'm so over my family not treating it with the weight and seriousness that it deserves.
They still talk about him all the time in front of me, to me, and act completely normal about it. I haven't told them how bad or long it really was, I haven't told anyone.
I've tried in the past, like when he wrapped something around my neck and tightened it, in the backroom of the church during a church event. I tried telling my family but they laughed off the red marks on my neck and said it was a "rash" and that I looked "flushed."
How can I let them know, now as an adult (sorry this stuff, I can't talk about it easily. A lot of shame and guilt.),without letting them know everything? How can I push back respectfully without exploding? It happened the first time in Dec and I'm just, I'm losing my mind. People are so seemingly flippant about it, don't know what to do.
Sorry if I did this wrong, sorry if this was too boring or long. Hope you're having a really good day â¡
@BunnieX
Hello Bunnie, My goodness, I am so very sorry that you have had to experience this. and for how non-supporting your family has been about this. This happens so many times in our family structures. Let me first say this is not your fault at all. You don't need to feel ashamed in any way. I truly resonate with you and your experience. I am an SA survivor as well. I had a family that dismissed my abuse as well.
You have been brave in making this giant step to revealing the secret. When we hold this in it damages us. Your family may never come to grips with the assault that has gone on for all these years. Your parents should be ashamed of themselves. Is there anyone in the church that you trust enough to talk to? In my experience, you will need to get a therapist's help to recover and understand all of this. A good book is out on the market called "The Body Keeps the Score." This is a good book if you can purchase it on Amazon or get the free version.
7cups offers therapy for a fee if you are interested. We also have one-on-one Listeners who can talk to you. You are strong and courageous, and I see your strength.
I am sorry I failed to introduce myself to you initially. I am WorkingitThrough2. I wish to let you know I, too, experienced this, and I know the pain and anguish associated with this type of trauma. If you want to keep talking to me, you can post to this thread, and I will reach back out to you. There are so many other supports here that will be happy to walk with you on your journey to healing❤️
Take care, and hope to talk with you soon❤️🙏🏽😊
Hi @WorkingItThrough, hope you're doing well. I'm very sorry to hear about that, it's something you never hope someone can relate to. It is devastating and I'm truly sorry.
I've been dealing with on my own for so long that I don't think I'd know how to look for help. I don't trust anyone, I can't go back to that church without feeling physically sick. Some days I can handle it, others, well I'd rather be anywhere but in my skin. I hope you're well✌🏻 🙏🏻
@BunnieX
I truly understand where you are emotionally. Do you have the option of not going to this church?
It would be hard for anyone, given these circumstances. Trust is still a major issue for me as well. Getting counseling is very helpful once you give a therapist a chance to prove whether they can be trusted. You may have to search out and try various ones to find the right fit but believe me; it is worth it. I thought I could handle things myself, but they just began to eat me alive, and I had to reach out for my own good.
I pray that you will be able to find some good, trusted friend or professional who can help you through this. In the Therapy Forum here at 7 Cups, there is a new therapist whose questions you can ask him, and he will reply. Maybe for now, that may be an option for you; there is no charge for this.
We are still here to help support you in the best way that we can. Happy holidays. Best wishes❤️🎄
Thank you, that's really great advice. I know I'm struggling, but I'm just so unwilling to face it. There's so much I don't remember. It's like when you know there's something over your shoulder, but you're too afraid to look behind you.
You truly deserve the best things in life, I pray for the best for you 🫶🏻🙏🏻 Happy Holidays 🎄
@BunnieX
Bunnie, you deserve to be able to go into the House of God without having to feel afraid and sick because the enemy is dwelling in a place that we sometimes don't expect to be residing in the church.
Don't allow this to cause you to lose hope in God. Can you tell your family that you no longer want to attend that church and find another one? I know this may be very hard to do, but you don't have to tell them your reason since that is where they want to go. Remind them that the word of God tells us to Let Every Man or Woman be led by our own Spirit. That is the Bible. Are you of age to make that your choice?
Hi, hope you're doing well.
My faith is the only thing that has kept me, engaged in life. It's something I will never lose. There are other churches I could go to, but I don't feel I belong anywhere and preaching is so selective. My families feelings would be hurt, and they wouldn't understand, but I can't put myself through it anymore. Thanks for your support & insight, I don't know where e I'd be without it. It's too much to handle on my own sometimes.
@BunnieX
Welcome to 7Cups, and I'm so sorry to hear that this happened to you and that your family isn't taking it seriously. It sounds like the "friend" of your family hurt you deeply in many ways and also devalued your suffering, gaslighting you and acting like you weren't actually abused by them.
You're right that it's insane that you feel like you'll be in trouble for having therapy to address the trauma you have faced; you have the right to seek out help and deserve support and kindness for what happened to you. You shouldn't have to feel guilty, blamed, or attacked for being a survivor of SA. At the same time, I also understand why you feel so scared to seek out therapy; it sounds like your emotions have gone unacknowledged and unsupported by the people close to you, so going into therapy might feel strange or frightening because it pushes you to open up and talk about your feelings. However, therapy can be helpful, and I hope that you will be able to reach out for help; you deserve someone to be there to help you through things.
It's awful that your family is treating you like this and that they are minimizing the violence and hurt that happened to you. Because it's your family doing this, it makes it additionally hard to just distance yourself and move forward with your healing journey. I'm not surprised that it's hard to talk about things as an adult; your concerns were dismissed for so long. I will say this though--it's okay to be angry about what happened to you and be able to express your emotions. People may and perhaps will try to deny what you are going through and be flippant toward you, but you have the right to express yourself and not have to disguise the feelings inside you. I hope that you take care these days, and you deserve to be happy and feel safe.
@BunnieX Hello! I'm so sorry you had to experience this. I would consider seeking professional therapy, seeking justice in court, and reporting the person. Find a friend that you are able to trust, who supports you, and who can provide the compassion you deserve. Be patient; your justice will be served. Remember to never blame yourself for this and that there is hope for a brighter future!🤗