Family therapy
Hi all,
I finally had family therapy with my mom yesterday (she came onto my session). I am feeling very triggered by it today, and I couldn't fall asleep until about 5am. I am able to watch my classes from home, but I had wanted to go in person, but I just decided to take care of myself and watch from home.
My mom was super emotional and kind of acted like a 5 year old child who is being told they can't have a toy. She didn't take any accountability and just painted things as I have a problem and have been shutting her out and she is "losing her daughter" even though I explained that we have a difficult relationship and I have been setting boundaries for my wellbeing. She wasn't able to show empathy towards me or really acknowledge anything about how I felt. I tried to explain I had a hard time growing up and was really shy and she was just like "you had plenty of friends".
I guess I need to
try to remember that I tried my best to articulate myself and my
emotions, and I can be proud of that. Maybe things will improve in
future sessions... or I will have to be really strong about boundaries
even though she is so manipulative and just end up only talking to her
like 3 times per year idk.
(I posted this also in family community, but seems like it might be appropriate here idk)
@Daydreamer47
Hello, I am so sorry that you and your mom are apparently not on the same page. As our children grow up, parents have a hard time allowing them to grow and make their own decisions about things, which really can put a strain on the relationship. I think it is great that you have set some boundaries. Unfortunately, the relationship between the two of you seems to have been strained for a while.I hope that your therapist will be able to see through the way your mom presented the issues during your therapy session. When it is just the therapist and you together, express your concerns and the issues that you face with your mom, and at some point, she may be able to help your mom see you and respond to you more effectively.
Thank you for reaching out for support on this matter. I hope that I have been able to be of some help to you.❤️
@WorkingitThrough2 Thank you for your support. Thankfully the counselor has been supportive and was in my corner. Unfortunately, I think this is way more than an issue of my mom having a hard time with me growing up, but an issue of emotional abuse which has been happening for 20+ years. My mom has gone to some group therapy, but still showed no improvement. She was still very defensive, felt that she has done nothing wrong and had a very limited capacity for empathy or to listen to what I said. My goal was just to openly express how I feel and why I have limited contact with her, but I think unfortunately if there is still no improvement, the relationship will remain low contact.
@Daydreamer47
I agree with your decision to go low contact. I had to do the same with my mom, so I completely understand the reasoning you have taken. I am sorry that your mom really does not want to assume any responsibility for her part in the disconnection. My mom was the same. I had to go with no contact. I hope things get better in your relationship with her sooner rather than later. For me, my mom died with that same abusive mentality she could not change.
I wish the best for you in this matter, and I am always ready to be here for you if you need to keep talking. I am so proud of you for reaching out for support. I only wish I had more encouragement to offer. Keep doing what you are doing and the things that help you. I know how hard it is not to have a mom in your corner to support you.
You will make it😊❤️
