Existential crisis

Trigger warning sensitive minds

That's kind of describing what I feel right now. There's a huge distance between what I've been told my whole life, and then what I understood, little by little, in therapy and by myself. First of all, I thought therapists were for crazy people. My parents always said that, or that it was a waste of money and time. But no. Truth is most people need therapy. If not everybody. I've been told that what I felt was invalid and wrong, and that I should keep it all to myself. Now, I understand that it just doesn't work. It's the core reason of depression ! I thought the way people see me is the truth of how I actually am. But people literally judge others basing of the lens which they see life through- me included. All of that, which I learned fastly, was so shocking and devastating. It's like the truth, in the way I see it, burdening my shoulders, that I must keep locked before it explodes. The truth, and with it, my anger issues. Anger I keep pushing away because I don't know how to deal with it. The truth is that you can't live with the truth in a family like mine. Were everybody believe in another truth, that you are obligated to believe. My traumas aren't real. I'm just too spoiled. Nothing is real. I'm just losing my head. That's their version. That's why I'm going through an existential crisis. Of who I am, who we are, what's life actually about, what's the education system we all thrive through without questionning since our birth, entry to school. What I am destined to do? I'm learning things about myself, I never knew, and it's honestly too much. I feel disconnected from people, closed in a small room called 'trauma'. I feel like an outsider, every where I go, even with people I loved. Losing friends, minds, my back self. This is too disturbing.