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oliveSailboat9838
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PathStep 16 Compassion hearts24 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes11 Current upvotes11 Age GroupTeen Last activeFebruary, 2025 Member sinceDecember 30, 2024
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Existential crisis
Trauma Support / by oliveSailboat9838
Last post
 3 hours ago
...See more Trigger warning sensitive minds That's kind of describing what I feel right now. There's a huge distance between what I've been told my whole life, and then what I understood, little by little, in therapy and by myself. First of all, I thought therapists were for crazy people. My parents always said that, or that it was a waste of money and time. But no. Truth is most people need therapy. If not everybody. I've been told that what I felt was invalid and wrong, and that I should keep it all to myself. Now, I understand that it just doesn't work. It's the core reason of depression ! I thought the way people see me is the truth of how I actually am. But people literally judge others basing of the lens which they see life through- me included. All of that, which I learned fastly, was so shocking and devastating. It's like the truth, in the way I see it, burdening my shoulders, that I must keep locked before it explodes. The truth, and with it, my anger issues. Anger I keep pushing away because I don't know how to deal with it. The truth is that you can't live with the truth in a family like mine. Were everybody believe in another truth, that you are obligated to believe. My traumas aren't real. I'm just too spoiled. Nothing is real. I'm just losing my head. That's their version. That's why I'm going through an existential crisis. Of who I am, who we are, what's life actually about, what's the education system we all thrive through without questionning since our birth, entry to school. What I am destined to do? I'm learning things about myself, I never knew, and it's honestly too much. I feel disconnected from people, closed in a small room called 'trauma'. I feel like an outsider, every where I go, even with people I loved. Losing friends, minds, my back self. This is too disturbing.
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My friendship with my best friend changed
Friendship Support / by oliveSailboat9838
Last post
 January 30th
...See more We're been best friends since years. It all started with writting, and our common interest in books. Little by little, we became a trio of three friends, one younger than us. When we were younger, we used to play together and do montages, but now we barely see each other. She was always interested in popularity, and hurt me before for being friend with my enemy, a girl who I hated. She doesn't know how to say no, and now when we only have one class in common, she always talks to a girl that bullied me before. She's super annoying and says weird stuff about me, and she still sits next to her. Because she wanted to be nice? She tells me she doesn't dislike anybody , which to me doesn't make sense. I feel like she doesn't understand me, our conversations are always small talks. I talked to her about the girl, and said I couldn't be friend with a girl that likes people that hurt me. She said she didn't like her, but our conversations are always cut by this girl. I feel like we don't have the same vibe as we did before.
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Humiliated in class
Anxiety Support / by oliveSailboat9838
Last post
 January 29th
...See more Okay, so I'm a good student. I study hard, always did, always participating ,with good grades. But the other day, when I come to geography class, I put lipgloss while sitting on my chair. I had a test to pass since I was apsent before. And suddenly, my teacher yelled at me and freaked me out. She said " How could you do this in class ? " ( Every girl wears make up) And I was shocked. Then she looked at me , and asked me why I was shocked. I tried to apologize but then she said I was angry, tho I wasn't talking angrily. It was like a nightmare. She told me to hide it immediately and to change places with a stressing tone. She said I was shameful for putting make up. Then, when she gave me the test paper, I couldn't stop crying. Others people in the class laughed at me and I was so angry and annoyed. I broke my pencil with rage from the humiliation. People started joking " Are you okay since this morning ?" Or " Are you not wearing make up in class?" She broke my self esteem for the whole day, and my test was left unfinished. My grade is not gonna be so good now. I used to like her, but now I hate her. She didn't even try to talk to me, tho she saw I was stressed out. Then she talked to the guy next to me, also passing, saying " Are you okay? or " Do you manage the test?" I'm so annoyed. It reminded me of one time a teacher humiliated me before an exam. I got a médiocre grade and I cried so much. Why are teachers like that?
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Depression loop
Depression Support / by oliveSailboat9838
Last post
 2 days ago
...See more I'm depressed, feel like I always was sort of, but ignoring the issue. My therapist opened my eyes on my family, and I feel a huge burden on my shoulders. I'm trying to heal and make my life better, but my parents always push me back. It's like they don't want me do feel peaceful and happy. It's been hard to study, my grades went downhill, and everybody expects me to act as if depression wasn't there. To just " act normally" . I feel disconnected from people, can't be in the present moment. I regret those times when everything was going well, when I was so close to healing. There are times when loving myself feels hard, and I can't stop self pitying. Others where I feel so motivated and amazing. But the worst is "are you okay?" because I know they just want me to say yes and don't actually care. I can't stop envying people with healthy families. Who don't know what it's like to be depressed. It's not just sadness, it's feeling stuck in the same loop, worth less, angry, tired and emotionnally drained.
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Stuck between parents
Family & Caregivers / by oliveSailboat9838
Last post
 January 6th
...See more Trigger warning : sensitive topics I learned about mental health, care and improvement not so long ago, and it was a breath of fresh air for someone who was always told to stock my feelings and invalidante them with " it's not that deep"and gaslighting. I currently struggle with procrastination and feel so lost... I just feel like I have nowhere to go, because both my parents are toxic and narcissistic. But in a different way. While my mom yells and hit us all the time, my dad instead always plays the victim, yells and say insults when other people are not here, is "the greatest father" in front of others. I'm stuck between two houses, one where my mom don't want me to go anymore because of how I " went crazy" , another one where my dad lowkey tells his family I'm not supposed to be here. All of this, while my relationship with my little sister just gets worse because I feel guilty for not telling her things she has to know, I feel so vulnerable! All I want is somebody to help me and hear me. I did have a therapist when my dad tried to que my mom for child abuse, then when she wanted to meet them both, he started getting angry and putting his anger on me. My grandma ( who used to always support me) agreed with him, saying a man, wouldn't have to deal with children. He also said some terrible stuff to me. This is too much. Like, how is this normal? So what if some children live through war? Don't I have the right to live a healthy life, with respectful people? I went through years of depression, it all was getting better, and know this?
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