A place for us
Alot of stuff has been going on lately in our sytem. Our main host got triggered due to a totally simple thing that she got herself into. When triggered, she had to practice the grounding techniques that she learned in therapy and try not to go into a panic spree. Soooooo, she is gone now and I have been fronting since then. My name is Jess and I am 18. Although our biological age is 19+.
I like to use alot of humor to cope when I am stressed :') I think I am kind of like a bridge in between the adults that are of our biological age and littles of our system. Because my age falls between those two age groups. I can get along well with the littles sometimes when the adults are too stressy and depressy.
There are time periods when we dissociate alot, forget stuff alot and sometimes we become a big confusing blob of mess. Then we cannot even understand ourselves or tell who is who. Sigh. Thankfully we are all females so atleast we don't become a genderless blob of mess which would add to the confusion. I know we are all the same person in the same body. But we do not feel totally the same as each other.
Anyways, I have been keeping the body healthy in the abscence of the host, not losing our mind or becoming a flimsy sphagetti.
The host alwasy tells us to sign off our names at the end of whatever we write. She is so particular in that way. Soooo, yeah, makes sense because it helps with memory and less confusion.
Jess
@pencilmarks
Hi I'm Skye or some call me fire, I go by both. I am the host of our system ima 14 yr old female. That's pawsome you've been taking care of your host and system it's nice to meet you! Hope to see you again.
I am not sure if the original part is faking having us? She was the one that made a space in her mind to go to when she would get hurt. She would slap herself or hit her head on the wall when she started feeling our presence. As if that will make everything go away. But the main host has been our rock.
The more I think about if I am real, the more confused I feel. I barely know things and I do not have much memory of stuff before a certain (biological) age. But I have gotten to know about some things from the other parts. I barely have anything to give rather than making jokes about everything that I find stressful and I think that I laugh at weird times idk.
My earliest memories are that I am a part based on some children books/comics that the original part used to read to cope? I don
feeling hollow inside
whispers that pave way for dreaded thoughts
how do I console them?
making mistakes ever since I came to be
no matter what I try I fall short by two or three
@pencilmarks
Greetings friend I am Sarah 1 of the alters in our system, I'm a 17 yr old female. I understand how it can be hard to deal with, being part of a system. I totally understand wanting to do your own thing. �
The way I handle it, is jus remember that were here for our host,and that includes all of us, and Sometimes I have to help the others and work with them to the betterment of our host. �
@Fireskye13
That is a really positive outlook. I have been trying to adopt a positive outlook too, that we need to move on as a whole and hopefully we can. Thank you for your sweet words <3
@pencilmarks
It's my pleasure, I hope that you feel better soon, if you would )like to talk leave a message I'll reply as soon as I can.
*TW*
As the lightning strucks and the wind howls
Mirroring what we feel inside
Loud thoughts please calm down
The sea is restless
Twisting and churning, twisting and churning
I twist and turn in my sleep
A plague of nightmares keeping me on my edge
Rain drops falls
Wash away these thoughts
Did we deserve being hurt?
Is our body nothing but a toy?
Ann (a part of pencilmarks)
I think I've learned alot of things and I'm still learning. I feel alot less confused than how I was before when I started surfacing more. I've also almost come to accept that I exist. Some things have been hard and some of the times I feel isolated from the older parts. I'm told that I'm immature. When I unintentionally make mistakes that triggers the other parts, I get called hurtful things by some but it's not their fault. I've not made any more mistakes to trigger any other part and I'm trying to keep us safe. Two parts (ann and lily) are nice to me and the littles. I'm not very sure about the others yet. But I'll take this step by step. We can do it
