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Poem: What if I Self Destruct?--a conversation among alters

beautifuldisasterx0 March 11th, 2023

What if we self-destruct?

What if we don’t?

What if we self-destruct?

Why would we want to?

What if we self destruct…?


Self-destruction doesn’t serve us

All it does is start a storm

A storm that brings irreparable damage

Self-destruction doesn’t serve us,

It only makes things worse.


What if we self-destruct?

What if we don’t?

What if we self-destruct?

Why would we want to?

What if we self destruct…?

What if we don’t?


If we don’t self-destruct

We’ll die of boredom,

Not boredom, but what’s the pont?

No adrenaline, no fun,

Fun isn’t the word,

More like, what’s the point

If we aren’t fighting to survive?


What if we self-destruct?

What if we don’t?

What if we self-destruct?

Why would we want to?

What if we self destruct…?


Hear me out, I hear you both

Self-destruction leads to chaos,

Chaos leads to adrenaline

Making life more exciting and unpredictable


But have you considered

That survival isn’t all there is to life?

In survival you don’t see the beauty,

What life can truly be.


What if I self destruct?

But what if you don’t?

What if I self destruct

Why would you want that?

What if I self destruct?

What if you don’t?


If I don’t self destruct

Life will destroy me

Isn’t it better to be my own demise?

At least then I’d feel in control.


What if I self destruct?

What if you don’t?

What if I self destruct?

Why would you want that?

What if I self destruct?


Maybe life will blossom

Hasn’t it already?

Look at you now, compared to a year ago.

You have many things you never thought you could have

You are building stability,

You’ve never coped this well

Don’t you see a future better than your past?


My standards for life are low

I wish i could see a future

Like the one you paint

All i can see is smoke and fire

Bombs everywhere,

Life is a warzone,

What’s the point?


What if I self destruct?

What if you don’t?...

What if I self destruct?

Why would you want to?



Did you notice the twist?


3
fruityPond7887 March 11th, 2023

@beautifuldisasterx0 This is such a beautiful poem! I noticed the change from "we" to "I!" I think the way I interpreted it was that as the poem went on, the author seemed to gain more control and it turned from multiple conversations to just one person involved. I can imagine the "we" are the alters and then the "I" is the host. I love the progression because you can see the confidence that the person gains and the battle with them and the alters lessens. I love this! The end shows that they are still battling with themselves, but that they have more control than they did in the beginning. Beautiful!!😍

2 replies
beautifuldisasterx0 OP March 11th, 2023

@fruityPond7887

Yay you totally got it! This is exactly what the poem was. It was an internal argument between parts. When I started there were multiple alters wanting to self-destruct, then the host sort of said, hey is that a good idea, so then most of the alters who wanted to self-destruct realized it wasn't a good idea, so then there was just one alter left wanting to self-destruct, and the reason there was no response from the self-destructive alter at the end is because they realized that self-destructing wouldn't do any good and would likely just lead to the future that they described of chaos and stress and that maybe, just maybe without the chaos and stress things can get better.

1 reply
fruityPond7887 March 13th, 2023

@beautifuldisasterx0 So beautiful! I love the positive turn of events 💗 It shows how strong the host is!

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