feeling far away from my family

Hey, thanks for posting =) What you are saying makes sense. Your dad beat everyone except for you for some reason you do not know. Even though wanting to be beaten isn't exactly what you want, you realized that not being beaten made you feel left out and not able to relate to your family. It makes sense that you feel like an accomplice. I'm sure I would too, knowing everyone else is going through that except for me. On that note, I think it is quite strange that you are the only one your dad has not beat. Hm, I think since the major issue here is that you feel like you cannot relate and feel left out from your family, maybe talking to them about how you are confused about the whole situation would be a good way of "coming clean". I hope this helps. If you would like to talk about this in a chat with me, I'd be more than happy to do that with you =)