TW! CPTSD

Hii I'm 17 and I've been struggling recently I've been anxious and in a depressive rut I'll explain so basically very very very long story as short as possible my mom got with my stepdad 9 years ago they got married and everything was great I was 8 at the time then they split and I found out at 10 that he was on h*e*r*o*I*n and that he was taking p*I*l*l*s from my mom's purse my whole life changed cuz I thought he was this great person but it turns out he wasn't then fast forward I'm 12 it has been about 2/ 1/2 years since I had last seen him and we had to move back in with him cuz we were living in a hotel and we were about to be homeless so he let us live with him and my mom warned me before we got there that he was now on m*e*t*h and I didn't know how and it was I tried to prepare myself but it was worse than I thought his house was sooo dirty and he was different he was sleeping for days at a time then awake for days at a time and he was way more angry now he would break things throw things and call my mom every name in the book he wasn't physically abusive but very mentally abusive and he used to vacuum himself because he thought he had bugs all over him (spoiler he didn't) and he would do this for HOURS vacuuming his scalp, back, face, mouth literally everywhere and he would do this in the kitchen which was right next to where I slept cuz I slept in the living room cuz we didn't have enough bedrooms and sometimes sleep wasn't an option cuz he's been vacuuming and that sounds you could get used to after a while but then he would start cussing and breaking things and you'd jolt awake straight into flight or fight and this would happen often not only that but he would do this in public too so at a gas station and I would be embarrassed and I hated riding in a car alone with him I already have some issues with men because of past trauma that has nothing to do with him so being alone in a car with a 6'4 350 pound man who has shown violent signs isn't exactly comfortable id struggle trying to keep conversation going cuz if I didn't I'd start to spiral my thoughts would go straight to "he's so much stronger than you" "he could easily take advantage of you" "I shouldn't have worn this" things like that I didn't feel safe around him and he'd try to get me to keep secrets from my mom things like "don't tell your mom I have this money" or "your mom said this to me and that was out of line of her but don't tell her I said that" which was awkward for me because now I'm picking who to betray and he was supposed to not involve us kids in the whole him thinking he had bugs on him but every time he and him were alone he would there was one time he had me record his back while he was shirtless cuz he thought there was something on him we were in public sitting in the car and I felt so awkward and trapped but I'm not confrontational and I tend to be a yes man so I didn't say anything to him but fast forward to the present day I'm 17 now and we have moved from living with him to not living with him way more times than I can count but now we finally have a very stable amd happy apartment that we live in and he has just recently came to stay with us and I'm spiraling again I told my mom over and over I didn't wanna live with him but she has made it clear that because he hasn't physically assaulted me in some way that I have no reason to be acting like that I recently got diagnosed with adjustment disorder and every time a major life change happens it causes me to go back into a depressive rut and not being able to take care of myself properly weather if that be by going on incognito websites (iykyk) or by not showering like I should or not working out and intentionally trying not to e*a*t I'm not doing good right now I'm on a therapy waiting list but I'm not doing good any advice?