Survivors of child abuse, how do you cope with guilt, anger, and missing your abuser?
I feel guilty for leaving my mother even though she was abusing me. I feel responsible for her, and like her being sicker and homeless now is my fault. I'm angry at her for what she did, and that she still denies it all, yet I'm angry at myself for some things I did as well. She never gave up on me, what gives me the right to do it to her? I wish I could legally talk to her, and forgive her, and be forgiven. My worst fear is that I'll never get to talk to her again before she dies.
Thank you for sharing with us here.
I dont miss my abuser. I hate him. I know its not healthy, but I cant help it. And seeing him doing the same thing to other people, all I can do is try to be there for them
I experienced physical, emotional and sexual abuse from my mother since I was born. I just came to accept the fact that she abused me, never loved me and all the affection she ever gave me was insincere, just to bait me, just to gain my trust so i don't question her behavior. She never saw me as a human, just a tool, a toy, an entertainment, an easy prey to fool and hurt. There's no love in abuse. I personally hate her (but i still have morals, wouldn't kill her if i had the chance to) and can't bring myself to have any empathy towards her, and i don't even want ti empathize with her at all. My mom has narcissistic personality disorder. To put it out short, she abuses people for personal pleasure, she has this need to hurt. Basically, her disorder and psychopathy are cousins lmao. She's aware of hurting me, she's aware of how awful she is and tries her best to keep me silent about her abuse. Abusers don't deserve your pity. Sure, being homeless is bad, but its not your fault, and maybe its best for you to not ever interact with her again.
