Sexually abused as a child

I have not told anyone about this shit, but when I was prolly around 6-8 years old a FEMALE friend of mine who is 3 or 4 yrs older than me abused me sexually. She would touch my private part and she would kiss me saying that we're just playing and since I'm still young and still innocent I would not decline those "sessions". I don't think it affected me that much like mentally, I'm not traumatized about it, nor sad or depressed, I always thought of it as a "play" that can't be shared with anyone.

But I think I masturbate too much as a teen (I'm a she, btw) and I want to refrain from masturbating for some reasons. Also, I have never had a boyfriend and so every time a male try to have a skinship on me I would not like it. Any skinship friendly or not, am i a man hater? I do get aroused but not with an actual person like in a video/book.

I'm 20 now and just this moment that I'm making this thread I realized that I was sexually abused as a child, as I said I don't think it affected me that much, but somethings surely wrong with me. I just can't pinpoint.

Since I just realized this now, some behaviors that i think are effects of sexual abuse (is abuse even the right term?)

- first, i masturbate to much

- although a female abused me sexually it makes me scared of entering a relationship [(romantically with a man) or any relaionship]

- I flinch or tremble with sensual touches (like when someone tries to touch my shoulders in a sensual way or my legs, it creeps me out, those freaks!)

- it made me cold hearted ( you know what I mean?)

anyways these are just the things i noticed, ita 3:14am and i'm not yet sleeping

I don't know yet what i'm truly experiencing, i'm still figuring this out, but for sure I could help myself.

And if you have theory's about my experience and advice you can give please do leave a message to this thread. Thank you.