Is it normal to not feel strongly after terrible trauma?

TW: Family Abuse, Child Abuse & Loss.

I've been through 4 years of continuous trauma, between 2018-2022.

I've seen terrible things happen. I was forced to do things against my will day in and day out. And was I subjected to heinous emotional abuse. I was medically neglected, overworked to the bone, was forced to give up any money I earned, was isolated from the outside world, and had no hopes of a future. Many days I broke down screaming and sobbing. I had nightmares every night. I hallucinated the screams of those who were hurt around me whether I was awake or asleep.

One night, I simply ran away. And in that moment I lost everything I had. My child, my mom, my siblings, my home, my belongings. I could only carry a backpack's worth of things as I escaped. All I could do was get as far away as possible.

After that, I was homeless for a year. Through luck I got a flat last month, but it is still completely empty. I have to sleep on the floor and it's cold. And lonely.

I haven't seen my child since I left. I don't have any legal rights over him and I know I can never see him again. I know he is desperately searching for me since I left. My mother disowned me immediately and forbid my relatives from having contact with me. My family was my whole life. Despite the abuse, I loved them more than anything. Now I have to fend for myself.

But even after saying all that, I don't feel very terrible about what happened to me.

I did as it was happening. But mere days after I left, I didn't feel much emotion about it anymore. I can talk about the most horrific things I've been through in detail and not shed a tear. I don't feel really sad or angry or depressed. I still get nightmares most nights, and I still can't shake bad memories, but both feel more like a nuisance. I don't panic or cry or frantically avoid things. I just sort of feel: "well what happened happened".

It's like an indifference.

Isn't that the opposite of what should have happened? Shouldn't I be haunted by the symptoms of PTSD? Shouldn't I feel more about the loss of my child, my family and my home?

I'm not an uncaring person. I have high levels of empathy and usually cry over everything. Why can I just sit here and not feel bothered by 4 years of horrific trauma and terrible loss?

If anyone has experience with this or has been through something similar, please, I'd love to hear it.