Emotional abuse or just mother-teen arguments?
Hi, last night I watched a video on emotional abuse and it got me thinking about my relationship with my mother, which I have been unhappy about for a while however as Im 16, I cant tell whether its just because Im a teenager and were just having an argument.
We arent close at all, I dont think we ever have been, she never hugs me or says she loves me…ever. I cant remember if she ever has, we never share anything personal or talk about how we feel. The worse part is that I had a few problems late last year with restricting, purging, stress/anxiety and panic attacks and so I spoke to one of my teachers as I didnt feel comfortable talking to my mum, but she called my parents and told them what I said because its the law or something, but now whenever we get into an argument and I get upset she shouts well why dont you go and tell Mrs ***** or shell sarcastically say oh Im so upset Im going to go to Mrs ****. She makes fun of me for talking to my teacher, she hit me one time a few months ago. She favours my 10-year-old brother and whenever I say anything to him, she shouts at me and defends him but if he ever says anything to me she doesnt care.
I know this has been really long and probably doesnt make much sense, I just hate living with my parents, I wish I had a close family and its weird but I find myself almost trying to find a new mother with teachers at school because I always feel really attached to them, especially when they act as though they care about me. So how can you tell the difference between emotional abuse and mother-daughter arguments?
@Holly13 I think you are definitely experiencing emotional abuse. A mother-daughter argument would be healthier in that you could disagree but your mother would not belittle, make fun of you, or make you feel bad or wrong for the way in which you expressed your feelings. I went through emotional abuse with my mother also, so this is a topic I know well. My heart goes out to you. Please know you can talk to me 1-on-1 about this if you ever would like to. I'm here to share my perspective or answer any questions you have, if that's helpful to you. :)
@Holly13 I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. How wonderful it would be to have parents to be able to talk to, especially a mother who you would feel comfortable to confide in. Unfortunately, it seems that there are more relationships like you describe compared to the ones we all wish we could have with our mothers. My mother was very abusive emotionally and physically and there was never anyone to turn to. I even called the police on her once and was told that I was lucky to have a roof over my head. This was before there was anything called child abuse and neighbors minded their own business and what happened in the home stayed in the home.
I believe you are suffering emotional abuse and it seems that it may be escalating to physical abuse. You did not say what your father thought about your mother's behavior, but I would hope he would address it. I don't know what country you are in, but I would suggest going to a guidance counselor to discuss your situation, since they have resources available and are trained to deal with these type of situations, more so, than a teacher would.
If it does become physical, please protect yourself to the best of your ability, but if there is an opportunity to run, please go to a neighbor and have them call the police. Most importantly, do the best you can to not physically or verbally attempt to return the abuse because then you also can be charged. I would also look in your area and see what the laws are concerning child abuse and if there is a hot line you could call (1-800 #) to speak with someone much more knowledgeable than I am.
It upsets me to hear that your mother is not affectionate to you, I cannot understand that myself because I grew up without any affection also, whatsoever, but when I had my own children I could not stop hugging and kissing them, they were just so adorable and wonderful. Hopefully you learn from your parent's mistakes and when it is your time to become a mother, you give your children all the love that your never received.
What you wrote is not weird, it is courageous. Keep seeking help and hopefully it will come in the form of family therapy. Although from your family's perspective, I am sure they feel that this is your problem but from my perspective this is a family problem and everyone is included in creating it and keeping it going and everyone needs to be involved in correcting it.
Since you are under 18, please make sure you make your profile for the teen side, there are also adult listeners there that will be able to assist you further.
I hope you are able to find competent help. :-)
MsJessica55