Can someone please make a thread...
Sorry, can someone please make a thread that focuses on negligence? Also, how do you know if something is verbal/emotional abuse or negligence? How can I, as an older sibling (I’m 21) shelter the kids from the worst of it, specially when I’m disabled and have very limited money (also, no, I can’t get custody)? Is there a way to strong arm someone into seeking professional help? What happens when you truly believe they’re trying- they’re just toxic anyway? Are they abusive then, or just going through a rough time / in need of help / a bit toxic / old school?
@adequatelyInadequate
Hi !
Hello again !
It's very unfortunate that people with serious emotional problems have children, and then their kids, who had the bad luck to be born in such a dysfunctional "family", suffer a lot for that.
The difference between verbal/emotional abuse and negligence, as I understand them, is that the first is active, like beating or shouting at a child, while the latter is passive, like not providing enough food, shelter, care, or neglecting any of the other responsibilities that a parent has to their children.
Both are damaging, and that is what matters.
Maybe you can't shelter your younger brothers and sisters from your parents' abuse, but you can do a lot of good by giving them all the emotional help and being as close and supportive to them as you can.
No, there is no way to force someone to go to therapy. You can attempt to persuade them as best as you can. Show the benefits for them and for all.
Maybe they also see that many things are wrong. You must find some common ground from which to base your arguments, and from there, gently try to persuade them.
They could be abusive and at the same time be going through a rough time, require help, be toxic and "old school". These could be some of the explanations for their abusive behavior.
You have to differentiate their hurting behavior from their guilt. Sometimes you could say that the abusive person is not guilty for that, because of the experiences they had in their lives that made them that way.
But guilty or not guilty, their abuse is damaging the same. It should be stopped or at least mitigated as much as possible.
You are already doing a lot of good by caring emotionally for your brothers and sisters, showing your parents the problem, and trying to persuade them to do therapy.
If that is all you can do, do it in the knowing that it is extremely valuable.
Please keep in touch, and let me know of any further concerns you might have, by answering this post.
I wish you all the best,
Marcelo.
Hi Marcelo! Thanks for your prompt answer.
What about their active guilt? I mean, the fact that they realize they are less-than-ideal parents for their children and actively feel guilty? It’s like an emotional swing, one day it’s all you can do to deal with the incessant yelling and spreading yourself thin trying to do what they should’ve, and then it all reaches a breaking point and suddenly they’re trying to hide their tears and we go like a week in which they try so so hard and tries to do _everything_.
It kind of leaves everyone else feeling unbalanced.
Ta,
-Deq
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