Breaking Free

I'm an adult now, but my parents are still manipulative, and I'm still reminded how dumb, worthless, and unlovable I am. It used to be extremely physically violent, and we lived in lockdown. He made us go to him for everything. Education, food, the chance to play, it was all regulated. I go home every 3 weeks or so still because it's what I know. I'm scared to set boundaries. Scared of the mind games, manipulation, and possibly even violence that will ensue if I try to set boundaries. I want to be free, but how? Has anyone broken free? I don't want to lose my family, but how do I maintain relationship while learning to think for myself. I'm completely financially independent, but they have ways of controlling other aspects of my life. I was fine with the status quo, but this past weekend at home left me shaken and having suicidal thoughts. I want to be free and loved. How?

if anyone has any tips? Advice? Or help for dealing with the weirdness (flashbacks, spacing out, numbing out, self-harm, etc).