Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Checkin - Friday June 15 2018

Good morning/afternoon/evening everyone!!! Im just doing the best I can over here, but I also need to get cleaning today cuz I really really need to get this done. Im working on it. But its taking so much out of me because my apartment had gotten so very bad. So heres another article from The Mighty. Its called A Message to Emotional Abuse Survivors by Jailin Kaiser. I love you guys 💜

Dear survivor,

Before anything else, I want to tell you your experience is valid — even if you dont have bruises or scars and feel like you dont have proof. Even if you were only with them for a short time. Even if you feel like it was your fault and you had your chance to leave. You are not crazy or complaining for being honest about your experience.

You are not the only one who feels this way. You are not alone in your confusion, frustration and pain.

It may take you a long time to recognize you were abused. It may take years. That doesnt mean youre making it up. It may take several therapists to properly deal with your residual feelings. That doesnt mean youre being too dramatic.

Someday, you might find yourself doing things your abuser used to do, and you may start to panic and think, Im turning into him/her. Youre not. Youre not like them. Youre a survivor and you can change those behaviors.

You might be reading this and thinking you were crazy to leave, they werent abusive — just a little hard to love. You might miss them and feel guilty for abandoning them. But you didnt. You made the best decision for you, and Im proud of you. You do not need to apologize and try to make it right again — it never was right in the first place.

Maybe youre reading this and you havent quite left yet. Please know, no matter what you decide to do, you are capable and you are worth so much.

The important thing to know is you are not out of your mind, even if they convinced you that you wouldnt survive without them. They will not be the only people to ever love you.

You may have been isolated from your other loved ones, but you can still repair relationships. And even if you really cant, you can still make new ones. There is a whole life after your abuser.

You may find yourself with vestiges of the broken relationship. You may be apologizing just a bit too much, but know its not your fault. They might have turned everything back on you, but its not always your fault. The abuse wasnt your fault, either.

Its OK to need therapists to work it out. Its OK if recovery takes a while. Its OK if youre still working through it. Its all OK — theres no right way to cope. You just do the best you can. Find other survivors, talk about things, make new connections.

One word of caution: Please remember a relationships purpose is not to fix someone. A relationship is two whole individuals coming together to make something new and healthy, not two halves attempting to complete each other. Relationships of love should never be about a power struggle.

You are not unlovable or unworthy of someones genuine affections. You are whole. You are priceless and irreplaceable. You are more than whats been done to you. I believe you can choose to become bitter or become better.

And most of all, you deserve a future in which you are loved and happy.

Love,

Me

Feel free to pop in and share as much or as little as youd like! 😊💜

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