Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check In - August 25th 2018

Its such a special day today for me and my banana friends! Its National Banana Split Day! How shall you celebrate that one? Maybe something involving bananas and ice cream right?

Its also National Kiss and MakeUp Day. Seems to me thats a lot bigger ask than tucking into a bowl of ice cream and fruit. But actually, from a therapeutic perspective, being able to move on from disputes will serve you well. So Im not talking here about forgiving those who may have hurt you deeply in the past. Thats still something to consider, but a much bigger ask. Im talking about keeping current conflicts in perspective.

Lets imagine youve had a spat, maybe with a friend or a partner. I find I can often inflate the effect of it because it causes me to recall memories of previous events, but thats my brain inflating the conflict, not the intent of the person Ive had a run in with. So first rule is to keep it in perspective. Were never going to agree on everything, but having a difference of opinion is okay. It doesnt have to become a battle. Secondly, just as the person were having that run in with doesnt know all our history and triggers, we dont know theirs. So a bit of patience and understanding is essential. Thirdly, are our expectations of the other person reasonable? If were waiting for one specific response from them, we could be waiting a long time! Theyre not mind readers. If you need something specific in order to move on, tell them.

You dont have to win the fight! If both of you are seeking this objective, one of you is going to be sorely disappointed. Resolving conflict is about reaching a compromise or an understanding, rather than coming away with an ‘I was right, you were wrong mentality. And once youve managed to find that understanding, put it behind you. Its done. Conflict resolved. Maybe its time to bond again over a bowl of bananas and ice cream :)

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