Too many traumas … where do I begin?

I’ve been traumatized since watching my pass away before my eyes at age 6, but I can remember things before before then. Even as a baby standing in my crib. Probably age 2… I’ve been through sexual, verbal and physical abuse all of my young and adolescent life. My inner child screams for help! I have tried to commit suicide more times than I care to think about. Been in and out of numerous mental institutions, rehab facilities all to no avail. I’ve never fully healed my traumas. I am anxious, compulsive and yet no longer depressed, but my demons don’t stop.

Where do I go? Where do I start? I feel like I’m going around in circles and can’t stop. Most days I am high functioning and do well but, I’m only fooling myself. I need help desperately.