i might not even care, don't know where to start
I've spent most of my life if not all of it hating myself that I don't even care about others as well. This might be the cause-effect of my childhood trauma and this self-realization just occurred under years of self-lies trying not to confront my feelings about things or do anything about it. I've hurt others verbally, mocked their pain, being avoidant, dissociating when talking to, and slowly disappearing into the background without a word. I didn't do this with ill intent but I'm tired of not being upfront with honest, and talking to them, without a more caring nature. I can do physical things for them but mentally I'm just doing it for myself to feel alive I guess. which had a short-term effect.
I'm 38 and I'm lacking self-reliant with codependency that gets disability checks I'm living with a family who wants me to leave now cause of my actions/non-actions for years. My only plan to get better is to pick up a part-time job and get therapy, other than living somewhere else by myself scares me.
@RelicCube sorry you are suffering from hating yourself. That not only creates an inner conflict, it also makes getting along with others difficult.
If I were in that situation, I think I would want to make amends. It is not easy or inexpensive to move unless you consider group housing if that is an option. But even that you need to get along with people.
What do you think of the idea of admitting your behavior is inappropriate with the people you live with and ask them what you can do to make things right. This must be heart felt and sincere. Otherwise you may find yourself scrambling to find some place to sleep at night.
Hope you find the support you are looking for.