Grief sucks.
As the more time passes it seems like the harder it is to cope. Big things are happening in my life and I just have to do it without him. His death affected me more than one in my family did but my family doesn’t talk about their emotions. My parents are pretty closed off on the emotional aspect. My dad was in my life and was a dad but he was emotionally distant. It kinda felt like he wasn’t really there in my life even though he was. But he never showed emotions. Feelings are just overreactions and nothing good comes out of them. Don’t get me wrong I love my family but holding this inside has been absolutely terrible. I grew up emotionally closed off. I am at the point in my life that I can’t show people I care about them because the emotions and ways to show it were never used with me. But I know that I should talk about it and let it out but I fear what will happen. What stopped them? Why do I need to talk about it? I’m not weak. But I’m not okay either. I just don’t know what to do. I want to make my grandfather proud but idk how to feel. I miss him so much and as the more important things go on I just feel like something is missing. Him not being at something special to me was the hardest part and I just hurt everytime I think of it. Like all this I have to do without him. But the circle continues unfortunately.
@greengoose72
My heart goes out to you, so sorry for your loss 💙. He must have been a very special person! I hope you do not mind me asking whether it was your partner or a friend.
I can only imagine how difficult it was for you growing up in an environment that was emotionally closed so you could never really learn to express how you feel, express your pains to release them. It must be so rough to go through grief without being able to express how you feel.
Please remember you can always connect to a listener for a 1:1 chat, we are here for you to chat and to comfort you ❤️
Self help guide: https://www.7cups.com/grief/
It was my grandfather. As I mentioned above I want to make him proud but I just feel like the environment isn’t there. I know I should talk about it but part of me doesn’t want to. I don’t want to open up to people.
@greengoose72
When you recognized, in your share above, that you think you should talk about this loss- I'm sensing how incredibly intuitive and self-aware you are. Even though it had never been shown with you, you still have a profound sense of knowing you're not meant to bottle it up. And, you're right.
Experiencing emotion is a major part of the human condition and there's an entire spectrum that exists within all of us. Some people experience more muted emotion while others feel incredibly deeply - and no matter where you fall in the scheme of things, doesn't make you flawed and weak, or stronger and superior.
While many of us wish we could just sever ties with that part of our human experience, emotions actually serve an evolutionary purpose. They're supposed to happen. For example, guilt is an emotion that can be so debilitating, but it's really considered a self-conscious emotion- this emotion allows us to function better as a society because when we feel guilt, we are given a push to acknowledge that in some way, we have fallen out of alignment with our values, or what's most important to us. It can also inspire us to apologize and make amends, and/or make sure we choose differently next time around.
With grief and sadness, these emotions serve a couple purposes as well- but of them, would be to inspire us to seek out support as we're meant to coexist and connect with others. This emotion says "I'm hurting." When we bottle it up, we are attempting to quiet it or pretend it's not happening, when all our grief wants to do is be felt. It's happening. And it's completely okay that it's there. When an emotion surfaces within us, a great question to ask ourselves is - "why?"
& I'm hearing that your grief exists because he meant so much to you and his loss is immensely impactful. Your grief is a sign that you shared a genuine love for this person and it makes sense that his absence is especially devastating. Grief of a loved one is often lifelong though usually, with time, it becomes easier to manage. Everyone's pace is unique to them. Even once you're able to manage, some days will be tougher than others. This is completely natural.
With all of this said . . .
Tell us about him if you'd like! <3 What will you miss most? What were some of your favorite memories? How did he impact your life?