5 Truths we all need to accept

@hardworkingCity5776

Might be hard hitting at the first glance, but impactful words, and harsh truths hehe, thankyou for sharing! ❤

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

Thank you to you too for reading... Have a great day 🙃

@hardworkingCity5776 You as well! 🙃

I disagree wholeheartedly with the way this comes across. It seems to encourage asking people to name their flaws, controlling yourself until you stop feeling anything, discouraging any shallow relationships that may be someone's last thread they hang on, and it also talks of revenge, which is a dangerous and useless thing that only serves to make oneself feel in control. Following this advice can be harmful to many of us here, who already have too much control in their lives.

It sounds as if it is coming from someone who is extremely disappointed with humanity and sees people as a threat.

@cloudySummer I respect your point of view. And you r 100% right about me. I have very few friends and my relationship with my family is also very poor.

But you gotta understand from my POV also-

So people with very few friends and people to support feel weak, loneliness and other sorts of emotional problems a lot (including me). So these quotes/points described above are just to empower such people. And even if it is written "5 truths about life"; we need to understand that truth its relative. Its not the same for everyone.

I hope you understand.

Thanks for replying, I hope you have a great day 🙃

@hardworkingCity5776

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@hardworkingCity5776 I do understand all too well. That's why I wanted to give it some balance. It is possible to see it differently, even if it doesn't feel like that currently.

I know you probably aren't asking for advice, but if you were, I'd recommend looking into and learning as much as you can about 'attachment [disorders/psychology]' and 'loving kindness'.

I wish you a good day also!

@hardworkingCity5776

Personally, I appreciated this very much and I am in that boat. Not because I'm toxic, either, quite the opposite. Part of this hit home because it's the exact advice I was given in therapy for getting out of a relationship with someone who (I found out in the end) had been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I had spent years, not only with that person but with people in the past and people from my family, trying to be what other people wanted me to be. Why? Because at my worst, I'm a people-pleasing enabler of toxicity, and after enough gaslighting and general manipulation/devaluation/discarding, I really, really lose all self-esteem and start losing control.

I can't blame the shallow relationships, holding onto hurt from people (including family members) who continued to hurt me over the years, pulling me back in, then hurting again...or the toxic friendships with people who used me as "a thread to hang on" to something, or the social media through which I met and was befriended by them...

No, I can only blame my lack of boundaries and self-esteem for how much of my life I spent "in the gaslight" of vulnerable people who were truly toxic. Yes, their esteem and attachment issues were bad, and yes so were/can be mine, yes I could sink to those shallow depths and it made it hard to see that I "wasn't the narcissist." But it does rub off. The shallow social media, the vulnerably narcissistic people who are attracted to my type of personality like moths to a flame, except I'm the one who kept getting burned, they are sad, yes, holding on by a thread, yes, but I nearly sank with those ships more than once.

Now that doesn't mean they don't deserve lovingkindness and compassion. But there's some help I can't give, you know? And releasing those resentments and attachments was the healthiest thing I could have done for myself. I have burned my own bridges my own plenty share, but I've also been burned by a lot of people who at the end of the day were mean and abusive. They would encourage things like revenge, and make me feel bad for even considering cutting someone out of my life if they seemed blatantly toxic.

But your mileage may vary! It's all valid, but again...that's a good litmus test. If all that is valid, then isn't this too?

I know the answer is yes, I am extremely valid in being careful with who I let into my life now, who I am vulnerable around, and who I try to deepen attachments with. In reality, for me at least, attachment problems start with any attachment that becomes co-dependant or insecure/needy. In my experience, you can't indulge that without both parties ending up getting hurt at some point.

/my 2 cents, and thank you for the post.

@ThadSterling

Hi Thad! 😊❤️ Thank you so very much for your contributions to this post! Everything you have said, in my opinion is pure brilliance! I think you are the one person on this thread that has completely understood every word that the OP meant as well as reflected back to them, in your own words that you understood and completely! Nice! ❤️

I feel like you have exhibited your trained active listening skills for all of us to see! Right on my friend, right on! Impressive! 😊

It takes time to get there, to understand these truths. Thank you for sharing of yourself today Thad! I imagine it has taken a lifetime full of pain, being treated unfairly and working through it to get where you are today just as it seems as if the OP has, as well! In my opinion, you and the OP have become highly evolved!

Here on 7 cups, our founder, Glen, has referred to us as the "wounded healers". Who better to help others than the ones that have been hurt as well. I see us as the wounded healers also. What that means to me is us walking through the fire, somehow coming out on the other side and bringing buckets of water to the rest!

I see beauty in your words as well as the OP's. What it means to me is that people have not been fair to either of you. What it means to me is that there has been growth. What happened was wrong but it's a beautiful thing when we as people refuse to be the victim any longer. We live and we learn. We start to see the warning signs and the red flags. We take responsibility for ourselves moving forward. We become self aware as well as aware of the agendas of others. People who are kind, sweet, sensitive and empathic many times can be a huge target for those that have narcissistic traits. None of this was your fault.

I also see the value in still remaining kind, sweet and empathic. Even though many things may have happened, the refusal to seek revenge. That shows true growth to "walk" it off. Wish others well, not seek retribution but grow and find a way to heal and be happy with out them! Wish them no harm but make a commitment to not let them in our personal space any longer for self preservation.

*high fives* 😊 and big *hugs* ❤️

@hardworkingCity5776

Hi City! 😊❤️ Thank you so very much for this amazing forum post! Well said and beautifully written! Clearly, I am *part of your tribe*. You and I are of the same mindset.

I really have to commend you for getting to this point in your life of understanding and knowing these truths. ❤️ These are truths, tenants, thoughts, feelings that I hold very close to my heart. For me, this was a big "Wow" moment to see someone create this forum post and articulate these concepts and so wonderfully.

Thank you for validating me and my feelings today by sharing of yourself! ❤️ This has been a true gift to me today, my friend and I really cannot thank you enough! Thank you for sharing your knowledge with everyone else on 7 cups today as well! I wish everyone that might be hurting, anyone that has ever been hurt, would have the opportunity to read what it is that you have just said!

*bows in front of greatness*

*high fives* 😊 and big *hugs* ❤️

@hardworkingCity5776

The best revenge is empathy and understanding - why DID that person felt the need to mistreat you in the first place? Can you help them understand themselves?

Self awareness comes from self understanding. First be gentle on your faults and then learn to love others with all their faults as well. We are all human beings.

@Hamstermum I wouldn't quite call that revenge... ?

@cloudySummer

As Confucius said - when setting out for revenge, first dig two graves.

@Hamstermum so then maybe it is not revenge you are advocating but diplomacy or wisdom by not reacting to what others say with a feeling of wanting revenge. I get no satisfaction from revenge. I would rather practice kindness and not throw more wood on te fire by flaming the other person

@soulsings

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@soulsings

I agree, if I feel the need to take revenge I need to look at myself and my motives

@Hamstermum self inquiry can reveal where our motivation is not pure. Impure motivations can just add fuel to a bonfire.

@hardworkingCity5776 your emotions and feelings are out own responsibility.

@hardworkingCity5776 thank you for posting your ideas to prompt discussion.

I agree that happiness has to start within before I can expect to find it ouside. Expecting someone or something outside to make me happy has not worked in the long run for me.

@soulsings

Hi Smooth Soul! 😊❤️ *high fives* 😊 and *hugs* ❤️

@SparkyGizmo Hi sparky high fives and hugs.

@soulsings

❤️❤️❤️ As you know, I am a huge fan of yours! I always enjoy your mature, patient and thoughtful way of looking at life and interactions with others! 😊👍❤️

@SparkyGizmo sparky you know how to light up a forum with your "spark"!

@soulsings

Thank you my friend! 😊❤️ Your positive affirmations mean the world to me. I deeply admire and respect you! 😊❤️😊

Thx for the reminder

Happiness truly does come from within. Our thoughts and words that we think and speak over ourselves have tremendous power.

If someone can't tell you their flaws they just don't think about them, if they do they feel inadequate. When a person realizes their innate qualities all imperfections are just shallow thoughts created by an image. This image is a standard and these standards are created by comparison to others in the wrong way, not to see what's they have in common. When you compare to observe commonalities you see we all have perfect innate qualities that are covered up by notions and expectations as to how one should be.

There is no revenge one can seek that is not a result of conceit. Realize the origin of feeling for the need to have revenge and there would be no revenge to care about. It would dissipate as an illusion casted by hatred and through inner observation ones awareness is bound to grow. Awareness eradicates illusion, this includes a separate object to project hatred upon.

@hardworkingCity5776 response to #1. “ 1. If someone can't tell you their flaws, they have a dangerous lack of self-awareness”

That assumes they want to tell you their flaws. If they are not ready to share that information, there is no evidence they have a lack of self awareness.

Your other points seemed good though.

1. If someone can't tell you their flaws, they have a dangerous lack of self-awareness

AGREE

Thanks for the post