What is the 'right fit'?
How do I know if a therapist is the right fit for me? How do I know if a therapist is NOT the right fit? Is this a 2 way street? Do therapists have clients who are the right fit for them?
I often feel I am not entirely understood. To what degree do I need to be understood in order to be helped?
@MysticN
Hi!
I saw that a 7 Cups Therapist hasn't responded yet - so I thought I'd share my thoughts and see if I can help.
This is a great question about finding 'the right fit'. Everyone is a little different. Some feel like they've connected with their therapist immediately - and others seem to take a little time to feel connected with them. Getting to know someone and learning to trust them can take a little time - I think ultimately it's what you feel most comfortable doing.
Warning signs that a therapist might not be a right fit are : if they make you uncomfortable, if they disrespect you, if they make promises or 'cures', inappropriate touch or demanding things you're not ready for (like questions you don't want to answer/things you can't do just yet).
As for therapists - they will find clients that they connect with more easily than others; that's unique for everyone. But - they won't dismiss a client because they don't feel like they connect easily. Ultimately - it's about the relationship. The aim for the therapist is to try and build a strong one - even if that takes time.
Also these ones might be helpful -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=25&v=KLNWzFHIxus
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6WaMQ7q0EE
Hope this helps!
@MysticN I just started with my first serious therapy sessions and I knew this new guy was right for me first thing. I had been to others who I didn't connect with at all and felt like I was just another paying customer. I knew because he had immediate feedback that made sense and I felt comfortable. Wish you luck finding someone right for you.
@YoYoDa
A very recent start with a therapist, my initial thoughts were hesitant, but guarded becuase my mind was so chaotic. Then our first session I made some new big connections in myself I hadn't made before and thought 'Wow, this really has potential.' Later, in the same week, I felt I some things I had messaged were not understood at all or that a response was off point of what I had been talking about and thought, 'oh no what if I was wrong and this person isn't going to jive with me.'
I will definitely give it a chance. Perhaps just my doubt and panic creeping in. But, thanks for all the feedback.
@MysticN
I know what you mean. It's easy to get 'blown away' and get emotional about it at the time but then let that fade over the week as your more analytical mind takes over. I would think keeping a log of issues/needs/goals on hand would be good, and then try super hard to see the progress each week, no matter how small.
I'm coming to the realization that 1 day a week therapy isn't even close to enough, and I can't even afford that... so I've got to find other outlets and ways to build skills besides my therapist. What I'm most worried about is becoming too dependant on any one person.
Our mental issues all drive us to act in ways that aren't in our best interest, so maybe feeling weird after a while about a session is just normal.
My guys advice was to try and "carry my own water" and rather than externalize my session by talking about them and sharing too much with others, that I simply attempt to live with this new info about myself without acting or over analyzing it.
That's no fun. ;)
It's such a long journey. The start feels quick but we gotta remember that all this is for the long haul.
Best wishes for you. :)
@YoYoDa I think becoming too dependent on someone is an interesting way to consider it. We just want someone to fix us and make it better. But really it is so much self work. Do you keep a journal? I think that's a great idea. I love to write, I just never find the time :(
@MysticN
I make a little podcast for myself. I think a lot faster than I could possibly write.
@YoYoDa That's cool. I've considered giving that a try but it feels different somehow. Like my brain works differently depending on if I'm writing compared to talking.
@MysticN
A new twist on the whole write-brain idea. :)
There is a difference for sure, writing makes you slow down and ponder.
Hi Mystic. Choosing the right fit is based on several factors that would be helpful to consider. For example you might want to look at what issues a therapists specializes in (depression, anxiety, substance abuse, etc.) and their theoretical orientation (for example psychoanalysis if you want to delve deeper into the subconcious reasons for your issues, or Solution Focused / Cognitive Behavioral if you want to focus on the here and now.) Keep in mind that as part of their extensive training, therapists are trained to treat a variety of issues and use a variety of techniques, based on the needs of the client. Therapists are also trained to manage transference and countertransference, words to describe the emotional reactions between a therapist and client. In the course of therapy, therapists can and do make decisions to transfer clients to a new therapist if they feel they cannot provide optimal care. Beyond that, as long as you are working hard, you need to feel that you are benefitting from the relationship. Usually starting with a therapist is a little uncomfortable, so it is probably worth it to give it a few sessions to determine if you feel listened to and comfortable talking about your issues. I hope this helps!
