Unable to Trust

A little bit about me, I have lived in 4 countries: Singapore, Taiwan, the United States, and China; for 6, 5, 5, and 1 years respectively. In total, I have moved more than 15 houses. The reason for most of the move was either for my younger brother and my education, and one other reason include that my father found a new job that he wanted to explore more. In more recent moves, my parents have always asked for my brother and my opinion on moving, and with our plan to move to another country, I just realized I had a very big problem.

When my parents asked if we wanted to move, I didn't really think much before answering yes because who wouldn't want to travel to a new country? I wasn't afraid of being lonely at the new school because how bad could it be? I've moved before, and yes, the first few months are hard, but even if I didn't have friends, does it even matter? Now, most importantly, my friends here. I feel horrible that I don't feel bad leaving them. It's true that there's social media, and we could still talk, but the issue was that I realized that I never really trusted my friends, and it was the same the last time we moved.

A while ago, someone asked me out, and I told him that I wasn't ready. At that time, I was already thinking about my trust issues, and I realized that even if I get into a relationship, I honestly wouldn't care if he did break up with me or if he cheated on me or whatever worst things he could do. Sure, part of it might be because I don't really love/like him, but then it brings me to my family. Because of our constant moving, our family is closer than most since we basically only have each other, and I do love them, and I trust them, but I can't fully commit myself to the familial relationship.

I think part of the issue is that I'm afraid of making the connection and losing it, and maybe add in the mix that I don't really know myself enough to determine if I do make that connection, who/what about me am I supposed to reveal? Or basically, how much is trust? I'm not courageous enough to talk to my parents about having these cannot-trust-or-cannot-love issues, especially since my parents are already stressed about moving there (with the whole COVID-19, which caused us to have a lot of immigrating issues - paperwork, etc; it doesn't help that the US and China currently have a bad relationship, so it's hard to directly fly from one to another). My friends honestly barely know me, I wouldn't care enough in a relationship, and my family does not know much about me. And I dislike it. I really want to talk to someone about it in real life; yes, 7 cups helps, but I know I need more than the support I can get here; I need someone I can talk to in real life. Does anyone have any suggestions on this?

*thank you so much for reading through everything too!