Help

TW: drugs and phobias

I hope it is okay to post this here, I'm not very familiar with the topics and threads.

I'm 17 and I struggle with nicotine addiction. It's so so difficult for me to get up in the morning and shower regularly, I feel terrible about it because people call me lazy. I don't want to accept that I'm lazy because I'm not, I have moments in my life where I don't struggle with those things as much as I do usually. I'm getting in trouble at school for always being late. I don't take good care of myself and I wanna change. I have terrible anxiety, I smoke w**d because that's the only way to make my head quiet. I have mood swings every day. Irregular periods, back problems and I feel like everything is related. I have crippling fears of my teeth falling out while eating and having a stroke. I get anxiety attacks at least twice a day because I feel like I'm having a stroke. Besides, I get dozens of anxiety attacks just for the sake of it. Every day. And it's been two years since I got diagnosed with panic disorder. I'm a singer and I have concerts every now and then which causes me to meet lots of people who always think I'm amazing and great and super nice and very unique and I never understood why. It always makes me feel good about myself for a few days until the doubt comes back and slams me to the ground. I have symptoms of depression but I don't wanna admit that I'm depressed. I have taken medication, it does not make me feel better. I'm afraid to see a psychiatrist or a therapist because I have had a bad experience with both and I've lost hope to find a proper one.