Day 21: The Art of Saying No: Setting Boundaries for Self-Care
This month, 7 Cups launched video and audio therapy! To celebrate, we’re doing 25 days of Gratitude, Self-Care and Personal Growth. Read more here.
Far from being a rejection or a show of hostility, saying "no" is an important method of maintaining personal boundaries and prioritizing self-care.
There seems to be an almost universal resistance to saying no. We often confuse refusal with rudeness or selfishness and, as a result, stretch ourselves thin to meet other's demands and expectations. Lack of boundaries not only escalates the risk of burnout but also hampers our ability to express our own needs and wants.
Cultivating the art of saying no is an integral part of setting boundaries for self-care. Here are a few practical tips:
1. Identify your Priorities: Know where your limits are and what's genuinely important to you. By prioritizing your own needs, you become better at deciding when to say 'yes' and when to firmly say 'no.'
2. Communicate Assertively: Remember that you have a right to say no. Take the time to express yourself clearly and assertively, while being respectful of others.
3. Learn to Let Go of Guilt: Saying no can initially lead to feelings of guilt. Practicing self-compassion can help you realize that taking care of your own needs doesn't make you selfish.
4. Practice saying No: Start with small steps. Whether it is declining an extra workload or opting out of a social event, every 'no' brings you closer to stronger personal boundaries.
5. Rehearse Potential Scenarios: One of the best ways to be comfortable with saying no is to rehearse different scenarios. This will help you react more spontaneously when the situation arises, especially if there are patterns where you may be saying yes all the time.
Remember, setting boundaries is not just about saying no, but about saying yes to your health, peace of mind, and unconditional self-care. Each time you say no, you're saying yes to something else – something that you value more.
Discussion Questions:
1. Do you face difficulty in saying no? How has difficulty in saying "no" impacted your personal life and well-being?
2. Which of these tips to say "no" and set boundaries are you most likely to implement and why?
1. Do you face difficulty in saying no? How has difficulty in saying "no" impacted your personal life and well-being?
Definitely not. I have never been a "people pleaser" so struggling with saying no and being firm (but respectful) has never been a struggle of mine. My ability to tell people "no" has impacted my life and wellbeing for the better. Cuts back on stress, trying to show face to people, and guilt.
2. Which of these tips to say "no" and set boundaries are you most likely to implement and why?
Communicate Assertively. Just like 🦋 mentioned above-- I have the right to say no to others and I do not have to feel bad about it ir made to feel bad.
I really love this I needed ð¥²
@iamsanaaa I am glad you found it helpful. :)
@SoulfullyAButterfly
Thank you for another helpful thread! 🙏
Do you face difficulty in saying no? How has difficulty in saying "no" impacted your personal life and well-being?
In the past I had great difficulties to say no to people irl and unfortunately opened the door to being used. It came to the point that I felt used and exhausted.
2. Which of these tips to say "no" and set boundaries are you most likely to implement and why?
@amiablePeace77 You certainly do matter, Peace.
@YourCaringConfidant
Thank you caring and you too! 😀
@SoulfullyAButterfly
Thank you, Soul, for this so relevant, wise and well-written article.
Setting boundaries is a great challenge, particularly in a volunteering context, where needs are infinite, everything we could do to help is good by definition, but our time, energy and possibilities are limited.
I liked very much the idea that saying no to something is saying yes to something else that might have great value. Like the wellbeing of the valuable person we are, and preserving our ability to help others. If we collapse, we can't help anyone anymore.
Answering your questions:
Do you face difficulty in saying no?
Yes, I do. I can say no and I do it routinely. But in some contexts and with demands from certain people, I feel I "have" to do what they ask for, no matter what.
How has difficulty in saying "no" impacted your personal life and well-being?
It made me take commitments beyond what's healthy. It left me overburdened and exhausted. It made me feel guilty when I became unavailable for people who I love and appreciate.
Which of these tips to say "no" and set boundaries are you most likely to implement and why?
Letting go of guilt. Why: the perceived moral obligation to do some things for some people no matter what, and the consequent guilt if I don't, are the main emotional roots and causes of the problem for me, I guess. So dealing with these emotions would help me a lot to set healthier boundaries.
Thank you again for this great article, and the opportunity to reflect on such an important and tricky issue!
@SoulfullyAButterfly thank you
@SoulfullyAButterfly
i used to say yes to everything. In retirement am more selective … I want less drama and less stress … soo I choose things in my life that add to my life.
@SoulfullyAButterfly
Though I want to get out with other people, tonight there's a family event which will not end before 3 a.m., at the earliest, plus an hour drive home. This is a REALLY late party to attend for a bunch of relationships that have been very limited and awkward. My husband and I are not really considered an active, desired part of this yearly event, just a polite add on. It is a very uncomfortable event for us to attend for hours & hours. This year we decided to politely say "no" to this late hour party invite, and stay home. I'll have to work very hard to be positive all evening with my husband, while we remain home and watch holiday movies until we are tired. Doing this will end our evening earlier and be somewhat less awkward than attending this family party. Saying "no" this year will be actually best for all.