spice addiction

i am addicted to spice. i am also an alcoholic and i smoke pot. in the past i huffed and did dxm/whippits/benadryl/benzos + multiple overdoses on meds. my biological father was never present in my life, he was an addict. killed himself by overdosing on heroin on purpose. despite never once having him around to influence me, i still turned out just like him. bpd, bipolar disorder, ptsd, it’s all there. the mood swings are unbearable. the addiction is killing me.

this is honestly the best time of my life. 21, just became co-owner of a business, my entire life is work and i’m moving forward. it’s my first time not having a favorite person in my life. i used to get so obsessed. now all i care about is my family and drugs. the drugs are getting me through all of the stress, all of the long days, the episodes and panic attacks. spice is making it worse. but god, when i sober up after bein geeked it’s like nothing happened, i feel so fresh and calm, no stress, i can think clearer than usual and accomplish more. i have more energy and i’m losing weight. i love spice, but i hate it. i’m just not ready to part with it yet.

i am under the influence while writing this. take care everyone. stay safe.