Slipping into a relapse?
I'm worried that I'm slowly slipping into a relapse but I honestly don't have the energy or motivation to stop it. I frequently have been taking substantially more of some of my controlled substance medications, often in various ways, and overall just engaging in behaviors that I know makes it a slippery slope for me. I have a decent amount of time clean right now, more than I ever have in the past, but I'm just so exhausted from fighting the thoughts. I know that drugs put me into some really horrid places, I've had repressed memories come back that show that to me, but at the same time I don't feel like I'm capable of actually avoiding this relapse and that kind of scares me.... If I relapse again, I'm not going to try to recover after that one. I don't have it in me..
Hi @OpheliacRose this sounds really frustrating and upsetting. Sometimes when you feel like you're about to relapse and when you can't do much to stop that from happening, this can make you feel helpless and hopeless. How do you personally feel about it? It can be very difficult at the same time to fight the negative thoughts that accompany this situation. It takes real strength to get back and deal with it and during this time one needs to be calm. Again, trying to be calm can be very difficult when you're going through tough time. Sometimes, just waiting for it to pass and having faith in yourself can be helpful. Apart from this, trying to exercise self control as much as possible can help. Just do whatever you feel might help you from relapsing and if by chance you do relapse, don't beat yourself up for it, it's okay, it'll get better. 
@OpheliacRose
Hey thanks for writing and seems like you feel a bit worried about slipping into a relapse perhaps you could be feeling you were getting somewhere but not so anymore. I guess the fighting takes a lot of work and you could feel like you need to have control over that. I guess if you go back to zero again youd feel you made so much effort and you cant try again. I hope you get to talk more about it
@OpheliacRose hello there, I know exactly how you feel, actually I think I'm living an emotional relapse as of right now, how are you? Still on the wagon?
I am still on the wagon right now, which I'm honestly amazed about, but I'm sort of managing it. How have you been doing?