Relapse
So I relapsed a couple weeks ago and ever since it’s been like a blur. I don’t know why I thought I could handle “just one more time” I’m so embarrassed and ashamed but I just keep getting more. No one knows except for my coworker/friend who confronted me about it and when she did I lied. Actually I promised her that I wasn’t using again. I feel horrible about it. When I’m not using I literally only manage to go to work and come home and sit on the couch. I’m so lazy when I’m not using I feel like. I know it isn’t true but I constantly tell myself that using makes me a better mom, well a better everything. Because as long as I’m high I can keep up with everyone’s demands and I can be happy and social. I just can’t seem to figure how to be those things while I’m sober. My parents are coming to visit this weekend and I’m absolutely terrified. They are a big reason why I’m so messed up due to childhood trauma, them both being narcissistic, and abusive but they don’t think they are. In their eyes they were great parents. My dad has been addicted to something my entire life and my mom is his enabler. My dad always knows when I’m using and then obviously tells my mom. I don’t want them to know that I’m on it again but I feel like if I quit now then I’ll just sleep or be grouchy while they are here and that will upset them too. I’m lost as to what to do at this point. I can’t believe I fell back into the trap again. I was doing so good and now it’s all down the drain. Thanks for letting me get at least some of the weight off my chest.
@spacielacie
Hello! My name is Frenchie, I'm so glad you decided to join this amazing community to offload your worries and fears with relapsing and with your parents triggering you.
Let's take a deep breath together, and figure out what the next steps are, I would grab a piece of paper and a pen, and explore what is going on in your brain. If you write in the middle of the paper with your name, then draw a circle over it, and branch out, write down who this person is, both positive and negative, and once you've filled out that sheet, ask yourself, is this somebody who deserves to go through that life.
Pretend the person on your sheet is a description of your best friend, what would you do to help them out, would they benefit from having regular breaks from their parents, or would they need a shoulder to cry on. We're 7Cups, we're a family here, and here 24/7 so anytime you feel you need to reach out, please do not hesitate to talk with us. We're here for you and you are most definitely loved! <3
Thank you so much ❤️ I’m feeling a bit better about the situation today but still very anxious because they will be here tomorrow. All I can do is hope for the best ☀️
You're strong, don't let anyone tell you otherwise!!
