My Demons

I have been held hostage for so long that I honestly have no idea how to break free! Drugs have been apart of me since age 12 and they have comforted me so I could sleep, they have calmed me down so I could think straight, they have been there to lift me up when I was at my lowest and they also have never let me down in making my pain suffering empty feelings stress anger trauma and anxiety disappear for the time I needed them to. Hence is why I became addicted to any drug I could get! Unfortunately I didn’t even notice that I was enabling the demons to take hold of my soul and not let go. After 22 years of hopelessness, and living everyday as a survivor of things I became to see that nothing is getting better I am still held hostage by my demons even while working recovery I couldn’t find happiness or pleasure in things that made recovery worth while which in return would cause more stress and anger, like what is the point if there is no point and that is where I am at in life! I suffer from many issues from mental physical and emotional abuse my whole life which is the reason I started using drugs so I could mask the pain and feel free from my thoughts and doubt and self esteem issues that have always caused me to run away from friends family and relationships which makes for a very lonely life and also makes things harder knowing I am not normal or good enough for anyone to want to stay in my life no matter my issues, which caused me to sink all my sorrows and heartaches in my demons because they were always there when nobody else was. I am giving this a shot because nothing else seems to work, and I am truly tired of being well me! I want to be freed from my demons and free from all my underlying issues so I can finally see my purpose and feel a sense of happiness and self worthiness. Life now as I speak for me is emotionless, powerless, lonely, empty, stressful, broken, depressing, stuck on repeat and really pointless and I have to find a way to change all this and have a purpose before it to late and my life is lived in vein!!