I reached out to the Veterans Administration for help. The psychiatrist I talked to this morning said I have a substance abuse problem. I argued with her that I don’t go through withdrawal or have cravings. She informed me that continuing to use alcohol when I know it’s unhealthy, after medical professionals have told me it will interfere with the effectiveness of the antidepressants I’m on, after my family has expressed concern, that behavior counts as a substance abuse disorder.
I’m still trying to digest that.
I got extra drunk this weekend and punched out the microwave. My wife was mad and sent me to bed to sleep it off. While I was asleep she went out and got a replacement microwave and then removed all alcohol from the house. When I got up she said I shouldn’t drink anything for a long time. After that, I agree with her. So no drinking and instead going to therapy. 4 days so far.
I don’t want to identify as an alcoholic. I’m not sure that I can honestly deny it. I’m crying inside.