Am I a "Functioning Alcoholic"?
Hello 7cups community. I came here as a result of my mom's passing 3 months ago and found this community to be so welcoming and engaging that I thought I'd try talking about my alcohol use as well.
I've been drinking since high school. Friends' parents would buy it for us because they would "rather we drink where they can watch us". Ever since then I think I've started associating alcohol with having a good time. Now as a man in my 40s I find myself drinking most days, typically about 4 beers after work every day, and 6+ on the weekends (Fri, Sat and Sun). That's roughly 35 beers per week, and doesn't include the occasional shots of hard liquor that happen too. When I say the number out loud makes me think "holy cow".
I'm beginning to think I'm technically a functioning alcoholic. On days when I don't drink I feel like there is a change in my mood. I'm very grumpy and depressed. While I can see that this is likely a problem, it's difficult because I feel like I do genuinely enjoy trying new beers, new breweries, etc. In fact my wife and I make it a point to stop at breweries during our travels because she enjoys it too. Difference is she's not drinking every day like I am.
So I guess my questions are two fold:
1 Would you agree that I appear to be a functioning alcoholic?
2 Is it possible for someone in a position such as this to successfully manage drinking? Essentially can I still do what I enjoy but on a more manageable level?
I would greatly appreciate any thoughts, insights, suggestions that you may have. Thanks for reading.
@VintageDougers
1 Would you agree that I appear to be a functioning alcoholic?
Yes as a spouse of a recovering functional alcoholic i would say every day and the volume may qualify that. even if you are able to keep up with the everyday work and life the concern is you may need more and more to reach that feeling. I think it is harder for someone who is highly functional as people do not see it until something bad happens.
2 Is it possible for someone in a position such as this to successfully manage drinking? Essentially can I still do what I enjoy but on a more manageable level?
I read a rehab site that said high function could wean themselves down to lessen urge to drink but if the urge or irritability is there you may want help in recovery.... I know my spouse lied to himself that he could manage and still on occasion until circumstances showed him otherwise.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience as the partner of a functioning alcoholic. I often think about what my wife thinks about my drinking. I will often tell her that I know I need to do something, I know I need to cut back, and I keep saying these things. There's always a reason why I say I will do it later, like I've been telling myself lately that with my mom's passing and the holidays coming that it's going to be too hard to cut back now so I'll wait until after the holidays.
If I don't make a change after the holidays this year then it may be time for me to admit to myself that I need help with this and seek some professional guidance.
Thank you so much again, I truly do appreciate you and this community.
@VintageDougers
Try limiting it to the weekends and see how it goes. Also my opinion about "craft breweries" is the same as the hobby of fine wines and whiskey. I feel like that stuff is just pretty dressing around getting wasted. Like oh try this super rare whiskey that has notes of burnt grasshoppers. No, it's just a way to fool yourself that you're doing something sophisticated instead of getting drunk.
Breweries are kind of along that line too. It's this illusion that you're "exploring" and taking in exotic flavors etc. But no, you're just getting wasted (to some extent). Just costs more and risks more driving home than if you stayed home and drank Natural Ice.
Thank you for the reply, and for your suggestion and insights. I've tried limiting it to only the weekends in the past and if I'm being honest, it has always been difficult. I feel like when I do that I end up drinking more on the weekends. I'm not trying to make excuses just thinking about past experiences. Reality is that I know you're right, I need to put limits on myself that don't involve drinking something every day.
And I definitely hear what you're saying about the craft breweries being like fine wine, whiskey, etc. I can see that just being excuses we make to ourselves and others about our habits. It's hard to accept, but I definitely understand.
@VintageDougers
You might drink more if you abstain during the week. But try it and see. Also see if there's anything that helps you stop. Like exercise, or even candy/soda. I read that alcohol is almost identical to the sugar molecule. Maybe drinking Pepsi will fool that part of your brain to think it's drinking. Finally, remember that you don't have to quit permanently. You can quit for one day. If you take that pressure off yourself it can be easier to take smaller breaks.
@VintageDougers
Thanks for your honest post. Personally, I think that the best thing for you to do would be to cut it out completely for a month. See if you feel better after that. Then you can evaluate if you are in control enough to slowly re-introduce it.
Feel free to reach out if you need somone to talk
@VintageDougers We can't really diagnose here, but it sounds like there's a problem with alcohol, whether or not it's meeting the criteria for alcoholic.
I cut back on drinking as with one of my health issues my risk of long term effects from alcohol is higher than other people. So I stick to the low risk limit published by Canada in the last year or 2 - 2 standard drinks or less a week. I find most weeks it's 0.
One thing I have found is there are many non(or very low) alcoholic beers now that are quite good. I actually prefer the NA during the day on a hot day, as they are just as refreshing and not dehydrating when it's already so hot! So that could be something you and your wife explore together if you decide to have some non-alcoholic drink seeking excursions. There are also a bunch of other NA options like things to mimic spirits or for mixing drinks but I haven't tried any.
Wine on the other hand - haven't found an NA one worth drinking! If anyone has a suggestion for one, please tag me and share! Opening a whole bottle of the real stuff isn't worth it even when I do have my 1 or 2 drinks and I so rarely go out to restaurants these days.