Alcohols abused and now addicted

I was 14 when I was alcohol abused by my father. He gave my sister and I alcohol, and used physical violence that would ensure us drink alcohol. Even now, I feel addicted to it, I once fell into porn addiction too, not being able to contemplate my choices at the moment when I was still drunk. I feel exhausted, my teeth coloured in yellow and transparent, my spines shorter than my friends in general, my intelligence slower and blunter than my friends, my health in general, worse than my friends, my black eye bags caused by the almost always constant fighting and arguing between my parents and my sister, my rumination at night thinking if I'll survive, my overthinking if I'll even be able to be accepted into a college, my academic performance held back, my imagination damaged, my life greyer, my desires suicidal, my needs unmet occasionally, my discipline broken, my motivation cold, my enthusiasm cold, my passion on heat.