Starting Daydrinking Again

Graduated in May. Jobless. Multiple job coaches, dozens of attempts at networking, debts piling up, No interviews and no end in sight. Dealing with chronic pain on top of everything. I've started day drinking again just to deal with the anxiety and to feel...lighter I guess. Less sad and more bubbly. When I drink I don't have to worry about being sad or depressed, I can feel giggly and fun. A part of me knows it's bad but I have no other way to cope. My usual hobbies bore me. I talk to friends but all it does is make me sad and frustrated. If I had it my way I'd buy a house, go off grid in the mountains somewhere, and drink until the sun came up.

I feel like if I stop drinking I'll have no other way to deal. I'm scared of that.