I want it so bad...
Im 19 and grew up in an extremely restrictive environment. Ive always been very highly pressured as well as sheltered. I struggle with severe anxiety and depression. For years, Ive slowly fantasized about drinking and escapism through it. Im on an antidepressant, so I know I shouldnt drink, but I really really want to. I never have had the chance before, but Im finding myself with more and more opportunities. As such, the temptation gets stronger and stronger.
Im a bit afraid if I start drinking, I wont be able to stop. Again, Ive never had more than a sip or two, but I can see myself becoming addicted quite easily. I feel this really massive urge to just forget consequences and try to sneak some. Its physically painful. I just want to lose myself...
I guess Im not sure if I want advice or support or what... but thats what Im dealing with and I needed to get it out.
@viciimperium
Its good that you got that out, do you feel better?
I'm not sure its the drink here that's the issue, it's more an issue how you see your self becoming addicted if you try it? Yeah sure, alcohol can be very dangerous to our health if it spirals out of control, its discovering a healthy balance.
Ask yourself the same question with a different way, would you not drive a car in fear you became addicted to speeding? Would you not eat chocolate in fear you became addicted ?
It's only human to crave the things we have never tried, it's up to us as individuals to find a healthy balance.
@Arora35
Ah see thats part of the trouble as well. My depression has been quite bad lately... I dont even care if Id get addicted. It sounds awful, but I almost hope I would... I just... Im feeling mildly self destructive. So the urge is highly concerning.
@viciimperium
I feel for you, it sounds like your in a hard place right now, that's tough. With knowing this, my advice to you would be, most definitely NOT try drinking whilst your state of mind is compromised, but work on you because your more important, and when your stronger and it's safe to do so, make the decision then, theres no rush you know, its not like drink is ever gonna run out! Just sort you out first.
@Arora35
Huh... something about that resonated with me quite well... thank you. Thats actually the best advice Ive gotten on the subject.
I suppose putting it in that perspective... that my mind is a bit compromised right now... maybe that allows me to offer myself some compassion and understanding...
@viciimperium
Exactly that, dont always think your gonna hit the self destruct button, kinda tell yourself your putting that on hold until your much clearer about your choices. You wont always feel like this, and you know what, theres a whole world out there to explore, loads of things to try, what else interests you? What have you always wanted to do?
@viciimperium
Hi Vici
I am proud of you for being able to express yourself so well here. I hear how sad you are feeling and how strong those self-destructive urges are. You mention you grew up in a very restrictive environment, it makes lots of sense to me that you would have phantasies over ways to escape from it and would consider drinking. Unfortunately, alcohol cannot change reality. It changes our perception of it for some time, but when the effect is gone, reality hits us again and we actually feel even worse. That
