Admitting I have a problem

Okay, I'll finally admit it: I have a problem with alcohol. I've been drinking daily for about 3 years now. I'm even drinking right now, in the middle of the day. It's not normal to hide alcohol in your closet, to secretly drink in your car or during class, to day drink, to panic when thinking about getting sober, to only like going out to eat because you can get buzzed on good cocktails, to get aggrevated when you're with friends who don't drink and there's no alcohol in the hang out plans, to feel the need to get drunk every night just to get by. I can't go a day without drinking. I tried, last night, but I was stuck depressed in bed all day and my eating disorder was about to refuse me the opportunity to eat dinner and my sensory issues were going to continue to drive me away from my family, so I drank just to feel okay for once in the day. And the worst part is- that's usually the only time I actually feel okay. I swore I wouldn't try another psychiatrist, but I'm scared now that if I take away the drinking, it'll make everything else worse- the eating disorder, the self harm. I might even end up offing myself, knowing how volatile my mood can get and the idea that it could get even worse if I try to quit alcohol scares me. It scares me so bad, that I'm day drinking just to quell my nerves. Anyone else have tips for how to hold yourself together when it gets rough getting sober? Anyone else take meds? Anyone else have other potentially deadly coping mechanisms that were waiting to pounce once you got sober? I'm afraid and I've researched tips on how to quit for hours, but I can't find anything useful.