I'm scared, to the point i want to end myself.
Problem is, i never tried to do anything, and i did good at highschool. Aced every test with no effort at all.
Time passes, i got into the top private uni, and when i decided to take computer science as my degree, i always felt this imposter syndrome, everytime i enter the class. I distanced and closed myself from everyone in class, and i can't hold it anymore. I always thought that I'm the dumbest in class, and i didn't do well with my grades, so i dropped out. And now I'm afraid of choosing my major and scared of the future.
I always thought that my bad grades maybe have something to do with my mental health at that time, where i have imposter syndrome everytime, like i just don't belong.
And now, i must soon choose a major to enroll to uni again, but im scared as ***. Im scared of choosing a wrong major again. What if i fail again?? Just how much of my parent's money and time i have spent for my mistakes. I don't want to dissapoint them again.
All i want is just to graduate and go back to my hometown, and help my family's bussiness.
@amiableClementine8160
First, I have to say I am anxious about the title of your message, though the subject does not appear in you message itself.
Please, make sure you have the following contact list at hand if/when the situation becomes an emergency one:
Also, please, be aware of the fact that while joining 7 Cups you must have declared that you had no self-destruction tendencies, and if that could be otherwise, listeners may not continue the conversation with you, just as a highly recommended precautionary measure to not make things any worse.
From my personal experience: once upon a time I had decided to leave a university after half a year, because I had found out my choice was wrong, and it was on my parents' money... Yes, I was ashamed and devastated when I got back to my home town, feeling worthless. But I graduated from another university, for my own money, some years later, and it turned out to be a much better choice. Nobody's perfect...
It sounds right to me that you have good intentions to join your family business and just would like to work in a profession you like.
I understand your fears at the same time.
I think we can all make mistakes, and I believe your parents are fully aware of that, and most parents tend to be forgiving to their children, leaving them some "safety margin for errors", especially in a world of today, which is very demanding and rapidly changing.
I'm sorry you feel this way. Please take care of yourself and seek professional support if you feel overwhelmed or in a crisis. It can be hard to choose a major and I relate to the feeling myself. I know programs where you can choose a major in the second semester or second year of the degree. Have you considered applying to such programs?
It's okay to feel unsure and scared at times. Taking a gap year could be another option and since you mention you are interested in your family business, you could try to get some hands-on experience there and also intern at other places to help you figure out what you exactly want to do,
If neither of these things are options for you, you can go ahead with a major that you find most interesting and you think you'll be able to excel. Many people work in fields completely unrelated to their major and are able to do well because they bring forth a perspective from their education that others don't have. Otherwise, a major that is very broad and general could work and then later you could do your PG in a more specific area.
I know I've offered a lot of suggestions and I don't know if they'll help but these are the options I'm considering as someone facing anxiety about college too. I hope this helps you