I'm scared, to the point i want to end myself.
Problem is, i never tried to do anything, and i did good at highschool. Aced every test with no effort at all.
Time passes, i got into the top private uni, and when i decided to take computer science as my degree, i always felt this imposter syndrome, everytime i enter the class. I distanced and closed myself from everyone in class, and i can't hold it anymore. I always thought that I'm the dumbest in class, and i didn't do well with my grades, so i dropped out. And now I'm afraid of choosing my major and scared of the future.
I always thought that my bad grades maybe have something to do with my mental health at that time, where i have imposter syndrome everytime, like i just don't belong.
And now, i must soon choose a major to enroll to uni again, but im scared as ***. Im scared of choosing a wrong major again. What if i fail again?? Just how much of my parent's money and time i have spent for my mistakes. I don't want to dissapoint them again.
All i want is just to graduate and go back to my hometown, and help my family's bussiness.
@amiableClementine8160
First, I have to say I am anxious about the title of your message, though the subject does not appear in you message itself.
Please, make sure you have the following contact list at hand if/when the situation becomes an emergency one:
Also, please, be aware of the fact that while joining 7 Cups you must have declared that you had no self-destruction tendencies, and if that could be otherwise, listeners may not continue the conversation with you, just as a highly recommended precautionary measure to not make things any worse.
From my personal experience: once upon a time I had decided to leave a university after half a year, because I had found out my choice was wrong, and it was on my parents' money... Yes, I was ashamed and devastated when I got back to my home town, feeling worthless. But I graduated from another university, for my own money, some years later, and it turned out to be a much better choice. Nobody's perfect...
It sounds right to me that you have good intentions to join your family business and just would like to work in a profession you like.
I understand your fears at the same time.
I think we can all make mistakes, and I believe your parents are fully aware of that, and most parents tend to be forgiving to their children, leaving them some "safety margin for errors", especially in a world of today, which is very demanding and rapidly changing.
