The ins and outs of courage!

Hi everyone! I hope you are doing well. Today I am here to talk about courage! Thank you to @GlenM for recommending the topic and helping with the outline. 

We often discuss courage, its importance, and how we want to practice more of it. But the reality is acting courageously is super hard. Many factors are at play, so let's explore courage today! Bear in mind, that this post’s content is observation and reflection-based

Why bother with courage?

“Courage is the key to mastery; the key to conquering our fears and unlocking our true potential.” Diogenes

Too often courage is the bridge leading to all you so desperately need or desire. It's a scary bridge where uncertainty and discomfort await you but lies all that you have wanted on the other side! It's a journey worth considering

Not all courageous acts are worth it!

It's important to determine if something is valuable to you. We are often met with circumstances where we are asked to take risks, and show courage but we need to step back and see if this opportunity aligns with our broader goals and core values. 

For example, if I wish to explore the Himalayas and an opportunity comes to do so that requires courage, it would make sense to consider it. However, if I don’t care about that sort of thing, perhaps it is better to utilize my courage elsewhere. 

So look inward and decide if this truly matters. You can find out your core values here. 

Examples of some acts that may require courage

• Speaking in front of many people
• Solo trip
• Changing schools
• Going for a degree outside your comfort zone
• Getting your driver's license
• Getting married or divorced

Remember there is a fine line between bravery and foolishness; relying on your core values (usually religious values if you are religious) can greatly help you make that distinction. 

What makes practicing courage so difficult?

Some common ones are:

• Flight and fight response aka our familiar friend anxiety!
• Our brain prefers keeping us safe over being brave
• Personal circumstances make risk-taking challenging, courage often requires risk
• We are good at talking ourselves out of it! We can justify not taking action well. 
• Being surrounded by people who also avoid being courageous so you seek the wrong kind of reassurance. 

Let's look at how we usually talk ourselves out of being courageous. It usually goes like this:

Overestimation of

• threat involved (Believing a dog on the end of the street will bite you)
• risk involved (Refusing to commit to a relationship fearing what if it ends in heartbreak)

Underestimation of

• how miserable things currently are (Convincing yourself that you don’t need to consult a doctor for a valid recurring issue because it does temporarily resolve itself)
• How capable we are (thinking you will fail at your dream job because you never had such a job before, overlooking the fact that you have all the skills needed and passed their screening process)

Here is what it can look like in action:

• Maria’'s fear of embarrassment in a beginner's language course kept her from starting. Underestimating her current limitations and overestimating the risk of appearing a beginner, she missed out on developing a valuable skill for her career goals.

What are some ways through which people motivate themselves to be courageous?

Some common ones are:

• Reaching out to a loved one for support/reassurance (The key is to connect to someone fair/optimist to avoid feeding your fears)
• Circumstances becoming so challenging that there is no way out but to be courageous
• Relying on religion/spirituality and/or philosophy to self-motivate
• Resonating with the stories of public figures who were/are courageous

Let's look more at what courageous people tend to think like and say to themselves

• Realistic risk assessment: They do not blow things out of proportion. They are realistic about the risks and challenges at hand. They look at the facts over feelings. 
• Effort-focused: They are usually only concerned with what they have to do, not what will become of it. T.S. Eliot — 'For us, there is only the trying. The rest is not our business.'
• Philosophically inclined: Relying on quotes, biographies, and experiences of early stoics. You can find some quotes here
• Spirituality: Believing in a bigger system, taking some of that weight off your shoulders. 
• Religion: For example, in Islam Muslims believe that God does not burden a soul beyond what it can bear. Religious people often find peace/strength in such verses. 
• Accountability: They hold themselves accountable whether through family, friends, or self-tracking tools. 
• Guarded: They are careful not to reveal their courageous plans to people who tend to advise against such acts. 

Example of how it looks like in action

• Alan's dream is to be a doctor, but med school worries him. He's got good grades, aces memorization, and even has teacher support, yet fear holds him back. Taking action, Alan lists his strengths: strong grades, good memorization ability, and his teachers’ recommendation that he should pursue his dream. He then talks to his doctor cousin, sharing his anxieties. His cousin reassures him, admitting similar worries, this is perfectly normal! This chat empowers Alan. He acknowledges his valid concerns but refuses to let them stop him. Partnering with his cousin, they create a plan for med school, addressing his specific fears – failing tough classes, and handling the pressure.  This way Alan took practical steps to do what is important to him while still acknowledging his feelings. 

The next time you need to be courageous..

You may want to ask yourself these questions

• What are some facts of the situation and what are some feelings that I am mistaking for facts?
• Does this align with my core values, does this help me achieve something that truly matters to me?
• Who can I talk this out with? who is fair/neutral about the situation and preferably has the same core values as you. 
• Would I still do it if no one would give me the credit for it? (This usually helps you decide if you want it because you want it or because it is cool to have it)
• How would I feel in 5 years if I did or did not do it? (Explore both)

Exercise for you:

Think about one thing you want to achieve in your life but it is a bit outside your comfort zone, getting to it requires courage. Now let's review

• If you had 1000 USD, would you bet it against yourself? (As in, if you do this, would you be willing to bet 1000 USD that you will fail at it)
• Realistically, How often are you wrong about your inability to do or endure something? (For example, you thought you would fail but you passed)

Further Reading

Worrying is a BUMMER! Instead FETCH the future!

How to Worry Less and Not Panic

Catastrophizing