Train Tracks and Stations
I wrote before about narrative therapy and how it can be helpful to view our lives as a story with different chapters. Usually these chapters are based around a new job, school, or moving to a new area. They can also be tied to relationships or a phase of life like having children.
A story is helpful because it has a beginning and an ending. The person follows the arc throughout their life. This is therapeutic because it helps bring meaning to all of the different challenges (or chapters) a person faces. A story can help us better find our purpose.
I was thinking of this story metaphor and then I visualized it as a sort of map with train tracks connecting different stations. The map begins when one is born and ends at the end of life. We all have goals on where we hope to end up at the end of life. If you haven’t tried this exercise then you might find it helpful to further visualize your personal story or map.
One of the interesting things about trains is that they all run to stations. They are very fixed. You can’t just decide to take an immediate turn on a train like you can a car. You have to run it all the way to the next station regardless of whether or not you want to go there. Then, the flexibility happens at the station. You can go on one train or another to get closer to your destination.
Here is why I think this train track metaphor is interesting.
Train tracks from one station to another can be seen as chapters in life. We are going from point A to point B.
A station is like a decision point. If you know where you are going (you’ve done an exercise like the one linked above), then you know your options and which train is most likely to get you closer to your destination. If you don’t know where you are going, then you might just go on the next train or go to a random destination. If you are patient, then you can wait for the right train. If you are in a hurry, then you might hop on the wrong train.
When we are on one train we are on it with other people that are also going to that same destination. We may choose to stay with them and board the next train together or we may choose to leave them (and vice versa). We may end up going in different directions.
Every part of the journey is unique. It is shaped by the passengers in it, cargo or the specific choices we make along the way. It represents the different aspects of life like relationships, workplace, academic, spiritual, etc and the uniqueness and individuality of these paths and how we adapt to navigate them.
During our train journey, we meet other people, some of which can offer guidance or influence our station choices. These conductors may be wise guides offering knowledge about the tracks, or even our own internal voice, serving as intuition about the next destination.
Life, like a mischievous conductor, sometimes throws you off course. These detours could be external storms like job losses, illnesses, or unexpected twists of fate. Or, they could be internal hurricanes of self-doubt, heartbreak, or existential crises that force you to re-evaluate your journey. Similarly, not all detours are dead ends! Imagine a missed train leading to a chance meeting with a mentor, a detour through a forgotten town sparking a lifelong passion, or a broken track forcing you to develop resourcefulness and resilience you never knew you possessed.
In my own life, there have been times when I’ve taken a train from one station to another. I was working on a project or maybe in a relationship, and I wanted the train to keep going, but the tracks ended in another station. The project didn’t continue or the relationship parted ways. During these times, I’ve thought, I wish the train would keep going! I’m enjoying this part of the journey and I think it makes sense that it should keep going.
Or, I’m in a new train station and there is only one option out - only one train to take out of the station. I don’t have any real choices. I don’t usually think that the one train I can choose is along the path of where I’d like to go. Sometimes these tracks can be painful. People call these “dark nights of the soul” where there is often grief, confusion and sadness.
These more difficult passages are never fun, but I’ve found - in retrospect - that they are often the most helpful and direct parts of the journey. They do a nice job of creating humility by helping me give up control and learning to surrender and trust the process (as discussed here (river post). There is light at the end of the tunnel, and sometimes, all we need to do is to remember to find the little sparks.
It ends up being a bit of a paradox. I have my plan and I think I know where I want to end up at the end of the journey. I try to take the trains that I think will get me there. Sometimes, however, the path from one station to the next feels too short. Or the one option I can take feels too painful. However, when I zoom out and imagine myself looking down on the below tracks and map, I can see that the journey was leading me all along.
The times where I thought the tracks should continue would have ultimately brought me further away from the destination. I would have stayed on the train too long. I couldn’t see it at the time, but it was a grace that the tracks ended. Or, similarly, the tracks from one station to the next that I saw as painful and wanting to avoid, ended up being the most important tracks for the journey. I don’t think I’d make it to where I hope to go without them.
Does this way of looking at life resonate with you? Can you look back and see times where you wanted the train to keep going, but now realize it was likely better that it ended? Have you ever taken a “wrong train” that ended up leading you to something good? Any and all thoughts welcome!
@GlenM I love this metaphor and the different ways we've interpreted it.
Here is a Robert Frost x Ayesha poem:
I'm a passenger with a ticket,
To somewhere,
With no destination.
I travel in time, on time, with time.
Adapting everywhere,
With grace.
Two tracks diverge and I also take the one less taken,
For my conductor is my intuition.
I take every opportunity thinking its golden,
As I am going everywhere,
That I can.
Way leads to way,
But I ride different tracks with a curious hat,
Of exploration.
I am not dismayed like Frost,
For my path is guided by the lights at the end of my darkness.
I learn and teach and share what I can,
My beacon will pass like beams and the helping notion,
Will spread like waves where not only me,
But everyone sparks some difference.
For we are all passengers in the global station.
And I am a passenger with a ticket,
Going everywhere.
@SoulfullyAButterfly
the conductor role serving as your intuition is so good!!
@SoulfullyAButterfly this beautiful. You have such a gift with words! i love the in time, with time, the intuition, and the waves; and how we are all traveling :)
@GlenM thank you Glen. I enjoyed reflecting and am very happy on how this turned out
Wow!
This is poetry of the highest caliber, @SoulfullyAButterfly !
A delight to read, I enjoyed it a lot. And the ideas resonate deeply with me.
@HealingTalk so glad it resonates with you!
Yes, it does!
Particularly with the ideal me, with my aspirations.
@SoulfullyAButterfly
@GlenM
Can you look back and see times where you wanted the train to keep going, but now realize it was likely better that it ended?
Once it was a job I had grown complacent with. It was stable and consistent but there was no room for growth. I was very comfortable but not learning anything new, and when the company finally did reach its end and had to dissolve our team I wasn't ready. It upheaved my whole life and it was a pretty dark uncertain time. But in retrospect, i can acknowledge the benefit. If I had stayed on that train it would have kept circling the same stations. It had to get stopped and I had to take another train, not knowing where it would go. And here I am today, a more ambitious, insightful, and evolved person. It was a terrifying abrupt stop, but it forced change, and I am better for it.
@Heather225 thank you for sharing this reflection! what would your current self now say to that old self that just hit the abrupt stop?
@GlenM
"This is how you get unstuck, by change, even if you didn't make the action plan. This has happened to you before - bad things that are good things in disguise. The universe is giving you what you need, not what you may want. You may think it's all over, but some things need to end for new things to begin. It will be for the better because that's the action plan you will make."
@Heather225
🌿What a wonderful quote! Thank you. I've saved this. :)
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS
yay! feel free to use! thank you 🥰
ð¥°
@Heather225 I like this reflection. Change sometimes has positive aspects to it
@GlenM
Does this way of looking at life resonate with you?
↪Certainly, I view life as a series of events: an event happens and ends, whether good of bad, in order to move to another event. These events are there for us to develop our inner self. I call this inner self, the soul.
Can you look back and see times where you wanted the train to keep going, but now realize it was likely better that it ended?
↪I had a job where I was in charge of the general biology labs at a prestigious university. I was geeked about that position, because I was right out of college with my own office. I was basically the "chief cook and bottle washer" like you. I came in at 10am some days and I had NO COWORKERS( yes im very much introverted and work best alone). And well every good story has a turn of events: the lady who I had gotten the job from came back from maternity leave (the audacity‼️ONE WEEK NOTICE ONLY‼️Her leave was 2 years long‼️). Unbeknownst to me, two days later I was accepted into dental school. I felt so happy that I was laid off‼️It allowed me time to bundle my luggage and hop immediately on the next train for four years of my life.
Have you ever taken a “wrong train” that ended up leading you to something good? Any and all thoughts welcome!
↪My "wrong train" was a boy in college. I was labeled many names, including "crazy" by this "wrong train". I was impressionable, a recluse and was easily a target in college. My mental health was affected tremendously for many years, and I didn't know how to cope because of the hidden abuse I endured in silence. Because of this "wrong train", I became a woman who advocates for mental health, who volunteers with NAMI in her state, who volunteers a lot with youth in her community and abroad, who became certified in Youth and Adult Mental Health First Aid, who is a volunteer listener at 7cups ( my best chats share a similar story to mine), and who would like to implement wellness programs at dental schools, especially for students who have invisible disabilities.
✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂✘❂
I enjoyed sharing my train travels...
-PetiteSouris
♡
@PetiteSouris wow what a journey you have been on! I agree with your assessment about life unfolding in a series of events where one leads to another. The school of life!
And the other theme that strikes me is one of redemption. Something unexpected happening, you having time to think about it, and then finding another path through. Like the idea when one door closes another opens.
And big hats off to you for all the work you do with NAMI, on 7 Cups, and in dental programs. Thank you for your commitment and service!
The train of choices. Some souls get stuck on the train not knowing when or where to get off. Make a decision for the highest good and get off that train.
@niceLime8506 a lot of wisdom in that small line - make a decision for the highest good. I like that. Do you do anything in particular to identify that highest good process?
Hello, Well sometimes it's just what decision feels better in your body, like muscle testing, use a pendulum or look for spiritual signs from the Universe, nature or your higher power. What's not for you will usually feel terrible in your mind, body and/or spirit. Or might result in some karma stuff. Sometimes the painful stuff can be for our highest good and we just can't see at the time. I struggle with making up my mind all the time. Actually it's an intention I set recently on my vision board this year to be more decisive and lead more with the flow instead of fear based decision making trains of decisions. Any ways back to your question. It can be a process of meditating on what's for you highest good and the highest good of others. You could also list what you value and test to see if it goes against what you value to make a decision. I'm pretty spiritual so I consult with the Angels, Spirit Guides, God, Jesus, Nature, Oracle cards, etc. I also like journaling to write about what I want guidance on and to channel answers. Some other ways can be to discuss it with someone or read stories/metphors like your post. I guess you can always make a decision and if it doesn't turn out then you know what's not for you and make a course correction. Or make no decision and stay on the train which is also a decision. Sometimes when the direction is a bit unclear this means more research is required first to gather more information before proceeding on or off the train.
I have a story about a dream I had with a train with both the living and the dead so your post brought me viscerally back to that experience. That dream or as I like to call some of my dreams visions really helped me make a decision for the highest good of all and I will never forget that. The dream actually eeriely came true in real life. Soon after the dream I told a person about the decision I had made and it was because of a dream I had. I told them why I made my decision and the details of the dream. Then they shared with me and confirmed the details of the dream was true. I since I couldn't have known these details they was spooked too.
So perhaps life is like a train afterall. Maybe there are also trains in the afterlife or our Spirit Guides come visit us on the trains time to time to guide us. Perhaps it all an illusion and you just do the best you can in this life. Some say human beings live on earth in cycles. So perhaps we never truly leave the train and keep reincarnating over and over again trying to get it right each time.
Thanks for your post and being open to share such an interesting topic.
Namaste!
🙏
It feels so absurd and like a dream when I think of all of the places I went to, things I did, and the things which meant a lot to me at the time; and then stations changed and new trains were (/had to be) onboarded.
Amidst all of the life drama that has passed by, and will continue to pass by, what has been meaningful to me is the internal battles; the deep-rooted negative behavior/habits that I could fight and manage to make some progress with. Ultimately, what counts to me is a happier mind, and that depends more on me and the attitude with which I spend my days and energy.
The more I get caught up in the external drama, the lesser internal progress I make. The more I learn to live above it, and realise myself as beyond it, while performing my best in it, the more satisfying and worthwhile the experience gets. This is the right train and the right track I crave and cry to be on. I am going to go off track many a time, but the victory lies in coming back to the track again, and over again, until I expertise in staying on the right track with the right spirit!
@Fristo that is an interesting point about it feeling dreamlike. Does the metaphor create that feeling or do you generally have that when you reflect back on the course of life?
Great points on the importance of attitude. This is another piece of wisdom that is so easy to forget, especially when things are challenging. Do you do anything in particular to remind yourself of this when you feel yourself getting involved in external challenges or drama? And I like the honesty and humility - we will all go on the wrong track from time to time - and the most important thing is to not beat ourselves up too much and to get back on the right track!
@GlenM In the dream world during sleep, there are so many happenings and all seem so real until we wake up. When I analyse the world and its transient realities, it's very akin to the dream world. Both of them pass away. The destiny of both is that it will end, duration is the only difference.
Solitude helps me immensely to stay centred or to restore my balance. No matter how many people come and go, how many things and situations change, this solitude is what remains; our own company remains. Perhaps my progress will be in giving more and more importance to this solitude. As it is in this solitude, one not only feels quiet moments of limitless joy but one can be most creative when one's most connected to oneself. So yes, lack of self-care is my struggle at times (going off track), and cultivating quality self-care or alone time, building my relationship with myself, is my right track.
Wise words as always Glen! Thank you for sharing such a therapeutic exercise with us.
Can you look back and see times where you wanted the train to keep going, but now realize it was likely better that it ended? Have you ever taken a “wrong train” that ended up leading you to something good?
Yes, I have personally had this experience many times and you have taught me this lesson in a conversation we had prior to this post. It helped me realise that the next journey may be even better which helped me find meaning and purpose in what I am doing now and not to wait for the initial journey I wanted to be on. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and helping us grow!
I have had this happen with relationships and unfortunately (but I am so grateful for this particular lesson), I went through a very difficult relationship with someone who was not ready for growth and I wanted much more. Ultimately, we were on different journeys and we took a different path which is okay! It led to greater and more beautiful chapters of my story and I am grateful it ended. Initially, there was some resistance and uncertainty but once I took the leap it all worked out. It taught me that some relationships last and some do not, it is just the journey that is life.
I have some porcelain hand-painted ducks in my bathroom to remind me that sometimes change is scary but even positive change can cause us to feel fearful and inhibit taking action. Sometimes you just have to follow the river and let it take you where it wants to go and have faith and trust in the universe. When I am facing uncertainty, the little ducks remind me that it's going to all work out as it should be!
@GlenM
I can relate very much to the frequent randomness of the journey. I can't think clearly of a "final destination", maybe because I live in a context of such high uncertainty that having a clear plan or goal most often leads to frustration or getting stuck when things don't turn out as planned. I think more in terms of "scenarios" and what might equip me to thrive in the "optimistic" ones and survive in the "pessimistic" ones.
I had that experience of trips interrupted or detours taken, and many ended up in interesting places that made me grow, while others caused me frustration that some valuable line of advance was stopped.
I share with @Fristo the feeling of having been in so diverse places and situations that don't draw a linear path of advancement towards a goal, but more of a random exploration that resonates with the "all roads taken" message of @SoulfullyaButterfly in her wonderful poem.
In hindsight, maybe my path ended up being one of diversity, which enriched me much and made me the person I am. I like that!
Also resonate with me the thoughts of @Fristo about how the path might be an inner one.
That we might not control where we end up in life, but we might strive to define who ends up there, by persevering working on ourselves, to become the person we wish to be.
@HealingTalk thank you for sharing! and glad that Fristo's thoughts resonate with you. I liked how you described the diversity of experiences you have had. I like to think of those as strands of character that get woven into the fiber of our being. We become stronger through them and develop new capabilities, especially when they are tough and challenging.
Also, have you ever seen this talk? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc&ab_channel=Stanford. He has a good point about only being able to connect the dots looking backwards.
Wow! Thank you for that!
I saw that speech years ago when he died. I remembered him advocating for "doing what you love" and facing death head-on. But nothing else.
It is definitely one of the most inspiring speeches in history. Maybe second only to "I have a dream".
I totally relate with how seemingly nonsensical experiences, like he learning calligraphy, might end up making a lot of sense at some point.
An analogous example in my life (not that impactful worldwide 😀), I did rock climbing, something not at all like me, absurd, nonsensical at that time. But my whole conception of what is safe, how it's crucial and non-negotiable that we do certain things right, and how we are capable of "climbing a wall", even the most intimidating, if we do it step by step always in the right way, all come from that experience, which has served me so so well in totally different areas of my life.
This may be an example of how random diversity might make us better, one strand in that strong rope made of many.
Diversity in life also taught me to appreciate many different kinds of things. Coming back to that speech, while facing my finitude, appreciating how awesome all aspects of reality are, that we have this amazing opportunity to be aware of a myriad of wonderful things and people, this opportunity of appreciation, which comes from having very diverse experiences, fills my soul, and is central to the person I am.
Thank you once more, Glen, for offering these spaces for reflection and for sharing ideas with great minds, great people like you and all who have posted before me in this wonderful thread!
@GlenM
Yes many times i had to end the train n