Honors Project Essay: A Self Reflection

Joining this internship was a bit of an impromptu decision, so I never expected it to have the massive impact on me that it did. All of my plans for this summer came to an abrupt halt as coronavirus swept the nation, as many others did, too. Instead of going to Germany for a conference, working an in-person, full-time job, and preparing for my Fall study abroad trip, I got a job as a part-time lifeguard, joined a virtual professional development fellowship, and of course, secured my internship with 7 cups. Its only natural that I was initially disappointed that my summer plans didnt go as intended. However, my mindset quickly changed as I adjusted to my new normal and was embraced by this unknown community with welcoming arms.

I remember feeling incredibly nervous before I took my first chat. Beforehand, I had completed a lot of the trainings necessary to meet certain requirements and asked other listeners every question I could think of. Ive always known that Ive had a knack for communicating with and helping others. Its almost felt like a calling for me. However, my confidence fell to zero when I realized how much more experience other listeners had compared to me. I was an adult listener, yes, but Im only 20. Who would want to talk to and derive support from someone whos practically still a child? What kind of credibility did I have, as a mere undergraduate student, to assist adults with their serious, real life problems? There were so many other great listeners, who had years of experience under their belt, along with certifications, high ratings from members, and a solid reputation among others on the site. Not to mention the tons of older-adult professionals, who I felt I obviously couldnt compete with at this point in my academic career. I assumed that members would be disappointed when I picked up their chat, and I wondered if it even made sense for me to pursue something when I didnt even know if I could provide what the members would need. Luckily, I proved myself wrong almost instantly.

My first chat came relatively easily, and I immediately received positive feedback. It was something simple, along the lines of Youve helped me a lot today or Thanks for being so kind, but that alone reassured me that what I was doing was worth it and that I really was good at what I wanted to do. Since then, Ive only become more confident in my skills as a listener. At the start, I would stick to trying to take chats that I could support through my own lived experiences, like depression and anxiety. As time went on, though, I found myself taking more and more chats that were out of my comfort zone and beyond anything I had personally experienced or understood. This, I found, was the truest test of my own empathy. As humans, were naturally egocentric. Therefore, its pretty easy to become engaged in a conversation that has to do with what affects you. The challenge is caring and wholly, actively listening when someone discusses something that has no bearing on your life or your personal interests whatsoever.

It took practice knowing how to effectively respond to the unfamiliar through forethought and calculation, and not just pure intuition. I was worried that I would say something offensive, or not say enough, or say something counterproductive, but with time, I was able to acknowledge that my efforts actually were helping people, regardless of whatever doubts I was having about my own abilities. At the end of the day, we wont always be able to understand what someone is going through. It may not make sense to us, despite our efforts to empathize to the highest degree. Ive found that it is not necessary to fully understand someone in order to show compassion. Ive been able to work on my own humility and come to terms with the idea that there are certain things I will never fully grasp. I am not an all-knowing being, but I can be an unconditionally accepting human when someone needs it. Many people go their whole lives without being able to trust someone enough to confide in them. Many people go their whole lives without feeling entirely and completely accepted for who they are and what theyve gone through. With one compassionate listener, these people feel heard, accepted, and ultimately, not so alone. As a listener and as a person, I am imperfect and the things I say and do are often imperfect. In spite of this, I have come to the conclusion that every single person who listens on 7 cups is offering an indispensable service. Human beings need to connect and feel belongingness as much as we need to breathe. We inherently crave feeling cared for and supported, and without it, we become lonely and we struggle. When I began my internship, I was wracked with feelings of uncertainty. Now, I have an entirely new perspective on how to authentically communicate with others and provide genuine support.

So, how do I measure success in my internship journey? For me, its that I know Ive touched lives. Its comments like Wow, I feel a lot better now or Your words mean a lot to me. Its members that have followed up and told me that I made a difference in their day or in their particular situation. The quote, helping one person might not change the world, but it could change the world for one person never sat right with me until now. I always felt pressure to do something big and to do something that would change the world for everyone as they knew it in a profound way. I felt that if I didnt achieve this lofty goal, my life and my career would basically be meaningless. I now understand that each person experiences their own unique universe, and when I step up for another, that universe expands. I now feel like I can truly make a difference. If I change the world for one person, I am changing their world, and thats something I can really be proud of.