It's been a while

Hey, it's been a few months since I cut -last September I think , I didn't have much awareness of time back then. Not much recently either. My time awareness goes back when I fall. Right now I'm good. Just recovering from jet lag and stuff. I've wanted to cut. Gotten close. Dug my fingernail into the side of my thumb and half-hoped it would bleed. Bit into the side of my mouth. Cracked my lips. Pressed down on and picked at other, natural, wounds. Hurt myself mentally. Read the written down version of my friend's thoughts "[name] talks about killing herself almost casually" because I knew it would hurt. Clenched my hands into fists so tight that my nails dig into my palm. Held into the weak Swiss army knife in my pocket and told myself , no - I cannot , not with someone else's knife,. Thought " I want to physically stab myself ". Told my friends , worrying them for an entire day. So , yeah, I've been clean from cutting. My wrist shows no new scars. I don't know if any of these other acts count as self harm too. Maybe they do. I should try and make them stop too.