FAQ about Self Harm (POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING)

Heya guys!! Here are some Frequently Asked Questions about Self Harm and some (basic) information about SH.

POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING: This post may be triggering for some, be careful and if you start feeling triggered just close this thread. If you want to talk about it contact a listener through a general request or browser for a listener here

Note: I am not a therapist or have any proffesional knowledge. I am a recovered Self Harmer and I am here to spread some knowledge and information I have learned/gained over the past few months.

1. What is Self Harm?

Self Harm, also referred to as self injury, is described as any behaviour that intentionally harms yourself to cope with difficult feelings, emotions and/or thoughts without having intentions of suicide. There are many ways one may harm themselves (e.g., cutting, scratching, burning, hitting their head against the wall, hitting, carving) and the severity off the harm is different by each person and each time. Keep in mind that SH is not equal to suicide. Self Harm is a temporary solution, while suicide is a permanent 'solution'. Many people who are struggling with SH also do NOT have the intention, urges or thoughts about ending their lifes.

2. Why do we Self Harm?

The reasons why we harm ourselves can be different for everyone. Here are a few reasons people may self harm.

1. Numbness: One may feel numb, which may lead to self harming urges. You feel some form of a feeling again.

Alternative Coping skills examples: Use a red pen to mark where you usually hurt yourself, Rub ice on your skin where you usually hurt yourself, Submerge your face, arm, or leg in a bucket of ice water, Put elastic bands on wrists, arms, or legs and flick them.

2. Guilt/Punishment: One may feel an extreme feeling of guilt and feel the urge to harm themselves as a form of punishments.

Alternative coping skills examples: Write down exactly how you feel on a piece of paper, rip it apart and throw it away. Hit a punching bag. Take a walk.

3. To stop emotions, feelings and/or thoughts: Physical pain might replace emotional pain.

Alternative coping skills examples: Journaling your emotions, Talking to a friend, although not necessarily about self-harming, Creating artwork (you could integrate helpful alternative thoughts as a part of the artwork)

4. To get control: One may feel the urge to get control back. When we self harm we decide WHEN we want to feel WHAT pain WHERE.

Alternative coping skills examples: Draw/write on your body or a piece of paper, excercise, journal your emotions.

There are of course many other reasons one may self harms, but these are the 4 main ones I have experienced myself/seen others experience.

For more depth in reasons why we self harm check the links at the bottom of this forum

3. Do we Self Harm for attention?

You might expect an no from me, but for some people it is a yes (in my opinion!!). Some people indeed do self harm for attention. (Hear me out on this one before you are mad at me ) One may feel such an intense emotional pain that they can not express, they might feel like their emotional pain is not taken seriously or are too afraid to tell anybody about it. They might feel not believed. They might Self Harm in the hope somebody will see them and ask if they are doing okay, or that they will finally get the help they need and deserve. For myself, attention might have been a participating reason too I started to self harm. I felt so hopeless and like my problems maybe weren't taken seriously or seen as 'severe enough' (which is not true at all!! Every problem has to be taken seriously, no matter how small or big it is!!). I just wanted the help I knew I needed. I regret it deeply, starting to self harm, but it happened and I am okay with my scars now.

4. I Self Harm, what should I do?

- You might have heard this before, but I highly recommend it to talk about it with somebody. I know that can be very scary (later in this threat I'll share some tips on talking with people about it ^^) but I believe in you. If you have a therapist or psychologist I highly recommend telling them about your SH, they can help you If you do not have a therapist/psychologist I recommend telling a friend you can trust, a parent, a teacher, somebody from work, a neighbour or anybody you trust. Talking about it and sharing how you feel can help a lot.

- Seek help, for example: therapist, psychologist, school counselor, hotlines etc.

- Try recovery tips/methods out. I'll share some great links at the bottom of this thread

- Vent, talk about your feelings with a listener on 7cups, write your emotions down or other ways to let your emotions out.

- Believe in yourself, I know recovery is difficult, but I already believe in you. You can do this.

5. How do I tell somebody I Self Harm?

Telling somebody you Self Harm might be very scary and difficult, I know, I've been there too. What helped me was first telling a friend I knew would support me. They have been struggling with Self Harm too so I knew I could trust them and they would understand me, so it was quite easy to tell them. To tell a friend you could maybe start off by saying for example: 'I let my emotions out on my body', 'I have been/am struggling with self harm', 'I hurt myself to cope with difficult emotions/feelings/thoughts'. There are many ways to open the conversation, do what you think is right and feels right.

6. I know somebody who Self Harms, how can I help them?

Listen. That is the most important thing you can do for them. Listen, listen to their emotions and feelings. Don't jump to any conclusions or give any advice. Most of the time the person who is Self Harming just wants to be listened to. Be understood. Be heard. Offer them a hug, talk about their feelings, tell them you are there for them. And if they want to and are ready, maybe take a look together at options for help, such as therapists. Do not judge, do not assume immediately they are suicidal and be understanding. Learn about self harm and how they feel and work together towards recovery :).

Some great recources that may be helpfull:

- https://www.7cups.com/self-harm/

- A guide to help others who selfharm

- Distractions and Alternative Coping Strategies

- List of hotilines

- Understanding your feelings

- Reasons why we self harm

- Who self harms?

Last but not least, I am here for you. You are not alone in this and it is gonna be alright again.

Lots of love,

Kiwiiii