@Kariaross
Hiya Kariaross, thank you for making this post because I know that some people have felt this way before. It is a confusing feeling and as self-harm is very addicting it can cause our mind to 'like' the feeling. As it's often a way of coping with our thoughts, feelings and emotions our brain makes us 'like' it so we can continue to cope.
"Self-harm usually starts as a way to relieve the build-up
of pressure from distressing thoughts and feelings. This
might give temporary relief from the emotional pain the
person is feeling."
Your feelings are completely valid, and this is why it can be hard to stop wanting to self-harm as the short amount of relief after can be intoxicating to the point we want more. You're doing great by sharing your thoughts about the topic and I was wondering, have you tried any other coping mechanisms other than self-harm or any distraction techniques? if so how did these go?
If you want to feel free to look through this link: The truth about self-harm | Mental Health Foundation <3 It may be able to help you understand your feelings a bit more