My experience

Last year I used to slash my wrists and upper thighs in the shower. Not exactly sure why but it was kind of my way of coping. Emotionally I was so numb that I stopped caring about anything and I had accepted myself as a burden to my family and school so I felt like nothing phased me enough to care again. Because I was so careless about everything my parents were so dissapointed in me I think because they couldnt get get through to me. I used to slash myself because it was the most effective way for me to deal with my inner anger and frustration.. though I still yet dont really understand what I was angry/frustrated at. I thought about dealing w my feelings in other ways like punching other stuff, cutting paper, etc but they never really satisfied me like self harm did. I think it was just something about harming myself bc I believed I was piece of shit so I didnt mind ruining myself. It also worked with maintain my anger I think because it just made me feel numb again? idk.

Another form of self harm I comitted for about a month was taking medicine pills. I think at first I wanted to OD myself but didnt have the heart to and also bc I had the tiniest bit of hope for healing and recovery that I was clinging on to - this tiny bit reminded me that there is so much to live for and really this tiny bit is why Im still alive. I was taking random pills I found in the cupboard from home to school even though I wasnt sick and it made me soooo dizzy and nauseous so bad but I didnt stop because I didnt care much about my wellbeing. Here I am today though with much healthier coping mechanisms and with a healthier mindset