I'm not sure I want to stop SHing

I've been SHing on and off for about 10 years. A part of me wants to stop SHing, because I hate the scars and the feeling of shame that follows the episode of hurting myself. But right now SHing is the only thing that stop the suicide thoughts and I'm afraid that if I stop SHing, then those thoughts are gonna to be worse and I will end un doing something irreversible. And I really don't know what to do. I've never been in this situation before.