Again

I have been struggling with self-harm for a long time. I have been able to stop myself multiple times, it very difficult but I still managed to. But lately the urge to harm myself was too strong . It’s too painful to bear , I have many scars on my body. I don’t I can do this anymore it’s too hard . Plus that things keep getting harder and harder. There’s too many painful memories, terrible events happening and many flashbacks from my trauma, it’s just making everything even harder to bear. Why can’t I just be happy? Why can’t I have a normal pace full day? I’m so tired of this , it hurts.