3 months clean - dealing with relapsing

Hello eveyone! I'm writing this thread to share my personal journey, thoughts, feelings & tips for when you relapse, are in recovery, etc.

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Recently, I had a psychiatric screening done & found out I am "predisposed to irritation" I have yet to meet with my psychiatrist this month, but that could mean several things such as bipolar being in my RNA...this obviously made me really anxious. I don't know what a new diagnosis would mean exactly for me but woth self harm - it's been on & off.

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I am no stranger to self destructive tendencies so when it comes to self harm, for me personally, I use it as a means to release my rage at the world & myself. I've realized that now. To cope with it productively I turn to physical activity and/or work but even that can only go so far before you have to deal with personal problems. With that being said though - exercise really does help. I know that's quite cliche but, it naturally releases feel good chemicals. Endorphins & dopamine to be exact (source; my cousin who's a nutritionist) Recently, I've been trying to get back into excercise, I know motivation is a problem for me so to motivate myself - I use my own rage & that little negative voice in my head saying I can't do it. Now I understand why people take before & after photos of hitting the gym. It's the results that matter & it's the hard work that goes into it that feels the most good :))

To get back into excercise or even just daily motivation/ affirmations.

I would love to know - what motivates you lovely people to get up in the morning? Or in other words, to continue the long& complicated journey we call life?