Venting

@cizzles

You said that you didn't feel like it matters to confide in anyone about it and that nothing much matters anymore, but here you are posting this- you matter enough to yourself that you are reaching out. There's still hope there. Generally, with pain, you don't get rid of it completely, but rather you grow around it and in doing so you become a little wiser. I think the goal is to stop impedding your own growth by following the complusion to hurt yourself- easier said than done, though, right? Selfharm is an addiction. And addictions thrive when you don't have a supportive person to turn to, when you don't have hobbies or work that bring fulfillment, when nothing seems 'fun' or 'good' anymore. By posting, you still care about yourself. So here are some steps: 1. Make it harder to selfharm. Throw away your sharps or make them harder for yourself to access. Make yourself hangout in different rooms, make yourself stay out of the house if that is what it takes. In the beginning stages, keep yourself away from isolated places because you can't be trusted with privacy- even if no one else knows what you are struggling with, the surveillance of other people will keep you safe from yourself. 2. What can you do instead of selfharming? You can't just take away a habit and replace it with nothing. Make a list- these will be the activities you do while you keep yourself away from your sharps/isolation. Keep it simple and enjoyable like: a snack, an engaging mobile game, a book or magazine you can make notations in, searching for new music, writing intentionally bad poetry, exploring a digital museum- anything you are even vaguely interested in that is immediately accessible, mildly engaging, and doesn't cause you additional stress. 3. What does your life look like? Make a list of the people in your life and ask yourself if they could be supportive of you (not if they are currently supportive or you FEEL like no one cares about you, but try and seriously analyze objectively who might be a good listener, even if you aren't fully comfortable with opening up to them at the moment). Once you have your list, make an effort to reach out more frequently to the people you feel like would listen- you don't have to tell them anything deep, just keep in consistent contact and you'll be feeding relationships that could help you. If you truly don't have anyone or don't have enough people to support you, look around for clubs/meetings/classes/meetups/volunteer work- expand your world a little. It takes effort and it hurts to change, but you'll hurt a LOT more if you keep being the way you've been being. What do you like? Or what things did you used to like to do?