@EmmyMarie06
Well for me its different every time. Sometimes it's cause I'm numb and wanna feel something, sometimes it's cause there's too much going on and I need to distract myself from it, sometimes it's simply because I'm disgusted in myself and believe that I deserve pain.
I really am wondering what my parents are thinking, and you're right, I do think that they are ashamed and that I don't want to be a burden to them. But honestly, I don't think they can get ashamed much more than they already were.
When my mom found out she did ask me why. I sorta told her. I just told her the basic version ofc and left out more parts. But they did go wrong. My parents went wrong a lot of times. And I understand that raising a child is hard, especially the first one, that they've got no idea what was going on or how it would turn out. Problem is, as a child I couldn't exactly do much about that either. This that my mother found out was the more permanent marks, which I only started doing in like 2023. Even before though, I was self harming in elementary school (with just like making bruises and like not as permanent stuff), and they knew about it. All they would tell me was that I'm crazy. That really does stick. There isn't going to be any "help". It just means they found out about it, yet it's still mostly going to be my issue. Means that now someone will just be checking, but it'll still be my issue. I'll still have to figure out ways to hide it and to be the one making excuses. They aren't going to help out with any of that. After all, why would they? It was my choice. Gotta deal with the results now.
Yea, in the original post I really didn't mention much. Was still numb from it all. Also scared cause I mean yea everything. Just now realized that means I'll need to find other ways now. Thats gonna suck.
And thank you so much for all that. It really does feel great when someone pretty much can understand what you're thinking. I would really like it if we could continue talking.
Hopefully I was able to answer some of your questions, sorry if I missed some or if my answers weren't exactly what you were looking for.