I want them to heal

Sometimes I look around and realize the holes are finally patched up and finally stable but the anger’s still there and wanna break them again; if they’re gone, how can we remember the earthquake that broke them in the first place.I want it to be stable but I don’t want people to think it’s always been peonies and roses , I want them ti remember the struggle and the amount of times I wish the roof would just crumble and take me with it